World Famous Comedian Jackson Banks

This week we talk to world famous comedian Jackson Banks! He gives us a room tour and talks about just the weirdest shit known to man. Hope you enjoy!
Sound supervisor B.T. Measles. 
Follow Jackson @CampJacky
And Follow us too:
Instagram @pursuitofappinesspodcast
TikTok @pursuitofappiness
And no Twitter because Elon Musk can eat my shorts. 

Transcript

Unknown: 0:08

Hello everybody, it's your gal pal Marta, the host of this podcast pursuit of happiness. And this week we talk to my friend Jackson begs the comedian, and I just want to let you know that he is not a character. Okay? So if you're like no Marta, why are you friends with this person? It's because it's a character and not really him as a human being. So sit back and enjoy this insane ride. That is Jackson banks will not touch her, you goons will not touch her. Well, well, I'm just trying to demonstrate, you know, stuff you can put on dating apps my ability to protect women on a date. Women love duct tape. I'm a guy with weapons. Don't laugh. Don't patronize me. Because you're that means you're really where you need to be real problem solver. What do you say? solver? I said you're a problem solver. With the duct tape gun. It's broken gun. This. This was to tape over some orange the orange tip. It's just it's just a BB gun that I'll still shoot out. Anyone who wants to be laying hands on you being a creep. harassing me I'll shoot their eyes out would be BS. I'll break their neck with these nunchucks. And yeah, I'm pretty much I'm the perfect man. You know, kill anyone who looks at you. That's what all women want. Yeah, that's what we want. And the man is for him to kill it. Go to jail. Yeah, life. Yeah. Or if you're in Texas, straight straight to the chair. You're dead. Well, that will show people. I mean, the cops. You know, I'm kind of counting on lady cops will show up and don't think I'm so hot. They kind of let me offer the warning. Provided I am section. They order a lot of cops. I'd like to have sex with a female cop at gunpoint in order to earn my freedom. And then I have to kind of chop that shirt. I have to I have to choose between the girl and the cop, you know? And that's gonna be tough, but there's a choice I'm gonna have to make After I save you from some from creeps in the bar after I kill these men in the bar. Then a female cop will have a gun trained on me and be like, if you don't bring me to orgasm, you're going to jail. And I'm ready for that. Yeah, I'm ready to I'm ready to deliver the goods. Okay, and as a woman I mean, I'm speaking on behalf of all women. We love the drama. They do love the drama. They love the strings. Ringing the flowers. You want me baking your cake or do you want me chilling men in front of you? Eating out? Cops in front of you? Which one do you want? Yeah, I want a little Valentine's in my life. You want me to have sex with cops? In front of you? That's what you want. You don't want chocolates? You don't want you don't want flowers you know and love letters you want. You want sex and violence. Yes, that's what we dream of an eye. Not a man holding us tight. Sex and violence. Okay, so icebreaker you already know it. But dick pics do use fling those babies out when I was still with that I was 20 and I was in a long distance relationship. I sent the all rolled up roadmap if you will to the lady and she loved it. And she paid me an unconditional love. I was a gigolo paid in love for sending my my dick pics. Yeah. I said if he's a high quality, this was like flip phone era. This was 10 years ago. So basically, yes, if you would want I think I still have that day. I can ask her if she want if you want to display that. On the left side of the scope that I don't want. I don't think any of us weak. You did a good job describing it. I don't think we need to display it. It's kind of like Voldemort's and Voldemort. Could get as hard as a really young guy. Lord Voldemort still had a lot of vitality. And still had I had a lot of fun. Really? Yeah, when he was his other self, Tom right. Oh, and he was Tom Rhema. It's Tom Riddle. As he's just discovered being Voldemort is kind of like a bad okay. Okay, that's good to know. Okay, so only no unsolicited so you're a good person. I would not do that. I would not send an unsolicited. I've never heard of that working. Yeah, I don't think that has but you Now somebody told every man who sends one that maybe could work someday and I've jumped the gun on the shirtless pics she said she wanted one I think as a joke and I sent this year this big and I think our dynamic was damaged this a long been my shirtless pics you know I should have been paid. I didn't have Lord Voldemort was jacked if Voldemort was jacked. That's kind of site Did you grease up? I was kind of wet from the beach. There was some styles lighting, stylized lighting, you know? Yeah, I think Joel did our I think I jumped the gun I think it may have ruined our dynamic and turn me into a needy beta. Which I mean Why don't know any betas you know that are back on one of these. I don't mean betas you know have zeros. Your Alpha. I can tell I got some so I'll show you the K tonners as well. Okay, we'll get there. What is your favorite movie? Brazil? Tell us all we need to know is our dystopian Terry Gilliam masterpiece, based in 1984. Starring Jonathan price came out in 1985. And Robert De Niro's in it, some other some British folks. It's basically like a black comedy about like bureaucracy and stuff. sad ending surreal, reality bending funny. Also my second favorite film while the heart and Laura Dern gets naked in it many times over. So I think that's important. Hot, hot, hot. Yeah. So Surreal love story. I feel like love has never been captured. Like it has been in the wild at heart. Sounds what is going on? I didn't want to be rude. I turned away. You're the one who's talking. You're bored yourself, sir. Yeah, wireless. Learners. Nudity? Yeah. Okay. Favorite band artists, musician. Magma. They invented their own language. They do super operatic you know, jazz kind of stuff. Also, Gong psychedelic rock, jazz, King gizzard and lizard wizard genre hopping Aussie psych freaks. Yeah, um, didn't you used to be in a band? I was in a band called rumble gums. I was also in a band called the ambiguous yum YUM's. I was also in a band called Jackson, his imaginary band, Rumble gums. We all move to different cities. We actually have a second album coming out kind of rock funk, hip hop fusion kind of stuff. So ladies, you might enjoy that. And also some solo some solo rap stuff. googoo gaga coming out. Hopefully later this Hey, keep your eyes peeled for that. Yeah, I don't I don't like being mocked. No, I don't like the tone. I say to keep your eyes peeled for that. Why is that? Oh goo ganja wham. O Shi Shi ha ha. I'm sorry. I'm sick. Girls do love bad men in the music industry more like a groupie and go she I have no talents of my own Kiku yeah, that's, that's what we all strive to be as women. I just my impression of the groupie. Not all women groupie. Oh, groupie. Okay. Okay. Yeah. That's a certain type of woman. Yeah, yeah. Okay, last question. And then you can give us a tour. What? What's the matter with you? I don't know. I didn't sleep when it's too hot in LA to even fall asleep because of the heatwave. Oh, yeah, no, I'm saying that's the last question is what's the matter with you? You want that to be that lit? Like what's met? That's what's going on with you right now. What's the matter with me? That it can be just what's happening with you right now? If it's too hot and you can't sleep? That's good. That's a matter of me too hot. How hot is it over there? You guys don't ever have AC because you think that I don't know the ocean is gonna cool you off or some steam and I got this bad boy. Or two d two over here. He keeps Oh, yeah. What's the matter with me? I don't know. I'll put the jokes first. I've been deadly serious this whole time. You know? This is real, you know? Yes. Yeah. is real, but sometimes the joke a little too much, ladies on the dating apps, they don't really like jokes. They don't they don't like jokes. They, well, maybe they just don't get it. They don't get it. And then I have to I'm the one that has to go and like come to their house in person banging on the door and be like, playing the inflection. You know? Yeah. So, instead of using dating apps, do you just, I mean, I feel like if you are doing comedy out there, don't chicks flock to you after a comedy show. I felt like come on, you know, they didn't used to they used to be repulsed, but something's changed in me. And women have been flocking to me due to the the comedy. Yeah, I want to go on a date with a heckler where the damn heckler. That's how charming. Someone sucked on stage. And I'm so charming. We went on a date. That's how awesome I rule. That's how much I can bring people to heckler comedic orgasm. Hi colored turn lover. Tell us all this time. That's a tale as old as time but yeah, lately. Lately, I just been meeting people in person, you know, living my life. I'm just so much more charming in person over the apps. I get really neurotic. And I'm like, let me explain. We come on going back over text. I went on a great date in person blue. Text. Blue widow. Yes. You know, I think that dating apps can really make you get in your own head. It's not worth it. To date. Texting needs to be time of day. Boom. This time. I'll meet you at this time. That's it. No, no shirtless. Nor no Paki? No, Abby. No back. Hey, yeah, Dickey, they're gonna discover that on their own eventually. Do you want to give us a tour? Explain. You're gonna have to, like visually explain. We'll probably we'll post this. We can post this on our social media. But just in case people aren't. Maybe they're like, No, I'm not going through the effort of looking at this. You gotta be. You got to describe it to us what we're seeing. Okay. Are you ready? Yes, let's exhibit. Okay, we got Jesus. Oh, Jesus. Hey, God. Okay. You know, sometimes the ladies like little Jesus, he's ripped. And he's fallen star my phones. Let the ladies know they're in good hands and they see Christ. Know why your covers? You know, my mother painted me see good relationship with the mother. Ladies love. Ladies love a mama's boy sometimes has a cool mother. When you show. Ladies love that you respect your mother. Oh, wow. And this is Trump with animal face. I want him at a white elephant gift party. But I'm by Satanists. That's it? Yeah, I didn't know where to put him. I didn't want them on my wall. So I just figured him. He looks pretty tight. Yeah. He does the story. So you, you added the zebra face. I added it. Yeah. Okay, so you won Trump at a white elephant. And then you added the zebra face. What do you you're solving problems you're making? Oh, the Kim. Jackie. There's so much happening action figure. Yeah, see? His penis his penis switches out and becomes different weapons. So Supreme Court Yeah, we're gonna be making a commercial there. Can split in half. Yeah, Lady in there cast mass paintings. I support local artists support women who make this is and props the beds. Not me. What's the point? I'm gonna be having so much sex anyway, so I don't make the zebra skin zebra skin. Not that sexy. Right? It is. Yeah, it's very sexual. Sexual. The Zebra is the sexiest of all. Sometimes I like to pounce on a zebra. And you know, dig, you know, and I don't I don't think it's weird to have sex. You know, with animals. If you've put a human if you've like, done a brain swap with a human. Okay, I put her heart rolls. Let's say we really vibe on music. I put her into zebras body. I think that's better than some stupid bar. Sure, where are you going to worries this woman though. Like why is she switched with Zebra? I'm a leg man. And I like for zebra legs. I like my leg man. Okay, TNA stuff. Sure. But when you got four legs that lives you know, did it it was scarring Ryan, can you take that bite of that zebra leg? That was the that was like a sexual awakening for me. Okay. Him to be sociality. That's I don't I don't I resent that term and I'm not going to play ball. I mean, I do said a hint a hint. All right. All right. You want to see my sword? Okay, let's see your sword. Let's see the sword. Check that it's an actual sword. Okay, yeah you play your cards right you know you just might get to meet him you know is that sharp? It looks I couldn't is it it could kill if anyone ever okay disrespected my you know my girl my mother lady lady. Okay circumcised correct yeah just laying on the bed now. Okay, let's go so we can this was very informative I think that I should do this with all actually there's I only have one more interview after this so what right before oh I have marionettes to oh yeah that's lovely you want me to not haunt it at all little dance I gave the other day I gave a woman a lap dance with a marina I put on I put on scorpions rocky like a hurricane in the marionette kind of danced around on her on her ample this marina tap danced upon this gorgeous lady. That is a you just painted a really visible you know visual that wonder you make movies. That sounds wonderful. Put it in, put it in a screen. I wrote my the views on this pod. We're moving on to our next section. Are you ready to be in the man the mind of every man on the entire planet and ask answer these questions accordingly. Okay, we asked three different questions and you are answering like you are a hive mind of every man on the planet. I speak for all the guys well, I'm pretty much their king. I'm pretty much I'm kind of the leader of all men. This is perfect then. Okay. Question is, why are you meaning all the men on the planet the way you are? This is a someone from social media wants to know why men are the way they are. Tell us? Well, they're you know, they're just doing what I told them. No, I'm kidding. They're under a lot of pressure from their, their bodies and their cultures to to have heterosexual intercourse. And they there there is great shame. They're shamed by men and women alike when they don't achieve and of course, there's shame. They're shamed by TV commercials. They're shamed by movies. You know, even the Harry Potter films is basically sublet. Oh, if you play it backwards. If you play a Harry Potter film backwards, Harry turns to the camera and says, Where's the pussy yet? You know? And never try that when I was playing it backwards. And Harry's was telling me like if you don't add sex, you're a joke. Because Harry is having sex with his friend's sister. His best friend's goddamn sister. He's having sex with this guy for free. That's. You're not supposed to date and your friend's sister. What is it? What is his fucking family reunion we in Kentucky? Your friend's sister? Your bumpkin? What the hell's going on? He doesn't have respect for Ron. I think that's what it is. I don't think he really has respect for anybody. You know, JK Rowling said she wishes that he ended up with her money. She regrets having him end up a gin. No. No, Hermione and Ron forever. You like that? Or going on a morning? Roll I love. I loved Ron as a child, I actually made a secret MSN where I used a picture of Rupert Grint Okay, Ron and I catfished people you're a sicko. Why did you do that? I think that I just wanted to have some power. Yo, like for women? I don't I don't know. I think I just was a storyteller and I was like, I love lying to these dumb idiots. I think who knows if they believe me? Hey, shout out to anyone who was my MSN friend. Do you believe me? I think that you like girls me Yeah, you were time fishing women with this? I think I was catfishing everyone men to maybe maybe I'm just I Why me women the way they are? Let me ask that. Why are women The way they are because of man. No, because it's all men's fault. Because we were because we just are, you know, made out of stardust. If you if you acquiesce to every request the way mother does, that wouldn't be an issue. If you just let the mama's boys reign, there wouldn't be an issue. Yeah, have you watched the reality TV show? That's all about mama's boys cuz I don't know if you watch that you might change your mind. Well, they really want to fuck their moms. It's weird. And I don't like it. I don't I haven't had a single dream about money that way. I'm having thoughts and never crossed my mind. And if you Oh, okay, you know, I'll put I'll send you I'll ruin you. I'll send you to jail all report Tinder about this whole me or do you mean you make one more joke about choosing me of having sex with my mother multiple times? No, I said that these men on this TV shows what? I didn't never have never well, now with mother. You're the appropriate you're the appropriate mothers. But you're the one in the middle. I'm not. You're not like rug mom. And you're not like, regular. I'm just a regular old mama's boy. No. cat tongue. What is marriage material? Man of the world? hive mind. Jackson. Good taste. Understands humor. This is rare. understands. Yeah, my sense of humor, which, you know, you don't know. I might say I'm kidding around now trying to give you five kids and say I'm just kidding. Yeah. And if you can laugh at that mean, leaving you after having five kids with you and never once batting an eye saying I love you five years. And five kids and you say I'm kidding. you'd laugh at that. I'll stay. You get weird about it. Yeah, you get bitchy and not want to take a joke. I'm not staying. Yeah. Do you think it's fun? I was always think you're funny. You have to have that sense of humor. What? Shape whether it be not a cop? Whether I've killed them in a bar, just just I'm just always thinking I'm funnier than other men always thinking never trying to be funnier than me. That's marriage material. You know what I mean? Just leaving the jobs to me kind of sort of a worship thing. Washing the seed, kissing the feet. Never finding fault with me at all. Never questioning my logic that is marriage. Material material? Yeah. Good to know. Good to know. Okay, this is actually a very, you know, everybody's wondering about this and, and men do men look at each other's weenies in the bathroom while pee. Does that happen? Right in front of your face? Do you just, you gotta seek a peek, right? I mean, sounds like girls are just like, I bet they just law is looking at the penises. Right? Rarely, I've snuck a peek here and there, but you don't want to see a friend. It's not what his dick looks like when he's peeing in a gas station or something. It's gonna be all shriveled up from caffeine and obscured by Cuba. And usually the hand forms a natural shield. So even if you want to look at it, I can't really see it. But yeah, I've snuck a peek in there out of curiosity, and it's just not an indication of a man's character, his penis size. And it took me a long time to learn that. Because Because of mine. I was like, clearly God was rewarding me. Because I'm a good person. So when I saw someone who's smaller than me, I would know that I would think they must have upset God. They must have some dark stuff. Yeah, so. So you admit to doing it occasionally. But now you're like grown up, and you're like, that doesn't make a man. So you're just yeah, when I was younger, I would be like, how moral is this guy? Because I'm, you know, I have a lot of confidence in myself. And I know that God gave me that. He rewarded me for the Sunday school, the sacraments, you know, God did that for me. And so I whenever I saw someone that was smaller, I saw someone who's bigger. I said, good for you. He got a better relationship with Jesus Christ. But I see these little these little shows and I'd say that's, that's the devil's hand. handmaiden. That's a double serving. Yeah, that's saying, you see a chode he earned that job. It may be in the before or after. But yeah, if you see a small deck, it is immoral. I used to think that that was a moral thing. Yeah, you can pardon me count Have ya also God punish you with a small weenus if you want a bad guy? That's true. That is. Yeah, sounds accurate. Okay. Are you ready for our next segment? Jackson? Let me find it. Yeah. So what we're gonna do is we're going to I took a look at your profiles, and I'm going to make some assumptions about why you chose what you did. And you can explain if I'm like, correct about my my assumptions, or you can tell us really why you chose pictures. Or you know, what you chose to tell us on your profile? Okay. But we'll see. Okay, so you have a photo of you and what looks like a paparazzi picture. Is this to show women that what it will be like to date you when you're famous after your gig with Sarah Silverman one paparazzi picture? I don't know one of your pictures looks like a paparazzi picture. Oh, what I'm doing. Let me yeah, you're like, Oh, get out of my face. Famous but don't. Oh, no, that's me at a party. I guess that's me at a party. rapping in Atlanta. Oh, cool. Sorry. So that's still has that still has some fame connotations to it. Yeah, I'm glad it looks like a paparazzi photo. Yeah, people always trying to photograph me and I tell them if they're not okay with being seen as arm candy to celebrity they gotta go. If you're if you're gonna be kind of like, the trophy for a successful man. That's kind of what I'm looking for in a wife. Yeah. Yeah. Gotta look and you got to know how to pose. That's probably important, right? You got to look hot all the time. I took I took an old to be sexy at all times. Yeah, but they're always scouts. My scout leader said I want to use sexy morning noon and night. And I said, Yeah, I will. I said I'll do Okay, so I I'm gonna say that I did a pretty good job of assuming why you chose that photo. I mean, yeah, I just makes me look at growth. Unfortunately, it's about eight years old. You know, I think once you hit 25 You have till 40 Till You look different. We'll see especially me I'm aging very well. I'm hotter than ever hotter than the Olympics. I might as well take a whole new group of packs because I've become so hot Yeah, well I think great choice of photo or you have your has your has your show with Sarah Silverman calm? Yeah. Have you met her? We had to reschedule because I can't cope. So I don't know what happened. Jackson I was going to seduce seduce her destroy. Yeah, but I decided that maybe killing Sarah Silverman with COVID is not worth the story of how I seduced her easily. Yeah, easily seduced. So I said, I'll stay home. And I want I want to seduce Silverman yet. I will yet hang back and, and you know this mama's boy when he gets a new mother named Sarah. Remember, you know, I predicted this, you know, it's just something that will happen. I am a mama's boy like powerful talented women rich women. Women who are older than me who will give me at least 2030 years maybe after they pass to enjoy their wealth, their riches. You know I'm a real Pete Davidson. I'm mainly famous because I fuck top shelf celebrities. Yeah. I yeah, I could see that vibe. Oh, sorry, a girl just DM to me. I had shit okay, next photo. You have a photo with futuristic writing that says the future with a photo that I assume was inspired by Geordi LaForge from Star Trek. Is this to tell women that you think of the future with them? Yeah, it's me. Well, the lower photo of me and me masturbating the lower half has me and I'm not I'm not being ashamed. I'm trying to gross you out. But that is I'm telling you what happened in the photo I was masturbating to onto this marriage simulator. And I was just kind of jerking off to the thought of commitment and pleasuring myself sort of the thought of having sex with the same woman until she becomes old saggy bag of bones right there in front of me because it's in real time because we never stopped making love and right before my eyes she crumbles it becomes dust And then left to care for the children because my lovemaking was so good. She, she, her heart exploded. And I raise the children alone. So I guess that's what I was thinking about. Okay, well, that's a Yeah, that's a beautiful story to tell. But women, too. We can't like yeah, that the people were Yeah, I assume you're going to analyze the things I've said about myself because I think that's what makes people swipe left or not message because I look very good on Bumble lumber and in kinder and kinder kinder, which is the teen version of Tinder. I don't go on that one. Tinder. Yeah. I just feel like maybe it's just not for there's something about an eccentric man who's free who's beautiful. Was a vast and Alecto very wealthy knowledge of, of Star Wars lore. This somehow gets some drier than storebought sponge. I just don't know you are. Aren't you in LA area? Yes. So that could be the problem. It's just that there's too many hot, you know, wild and free men out there. There's just too many suddenly, but once they see me in person, I have better fashion than most. Yeah. Should I change into something to demonstrate the fashion? I have some stuff right here. Sure. Some patterns? Yeah, throw something on. For you. Okay. I'm just gonna show off some of my finish. Okay. I, but I'm saying through when it's also a podcast. Okay. Hang on. So would people if they don't want to watch this? I can describe the outfits. Okay. Oh, wow. Yes, it's a gold suit jacket that has an interesting line knitting pattern on it. I was up here. Oh, yeah. Yes. Oh, yeah. Another looks like the buttons are even covered in the same material. That means high quality shit. Gorgeous. Gorgeous. Your fashion. We got this one. Oh, wow. Yes. It's like, it's like, interesting. That's very hard to describe. It has lots of geo metric patterns on it. All sorts of colors. I've seen I've got pretty good taste in, in in clothes and stuff, so I won't. I won't bore you with the shoes. Or maybe I will if you play a card. Let me put some Kelowna. Okay. Oh, that's a little a little as cologne. I'm not compensating for anything you see. I'm gonna put some more Yeah. Oh, a different kind. Okay, and you use this put it on your fingers and tap it on your neck. way of putting on cologne, which is very unique. It's very unique. Well, I don't want to dance it. I just want to go. Yeah, and then your hands just will smell good. Perfect. Yeah, well, the oil the natural oils will because I'll be I've been having sex with so many women. Naturally. Yeah. Yes. You know, five or seven in the night. Everybody man? Yeah. By the time I mean the marriage material. Yeah. And warming up with all these groupies and stuff. Then Then that'll be okay. Another thing of the past Yes. Okay, so now you have a photo of you being what I think is Dr. Ock. From Spider Man with baby arms for legs. About to attack Spider Man. Is this the title women that you have the sex appeal of a naughty villain? Well, it's sort of Yeah, to show him a bit of a bad boys from a film I acted in actually where I played. I played maybe Jesus. And oh, talking to a young Jew and kind of nagging him for his Judaism and demanding except my, the blood of my atonement and shed really funny. And yeah, I didn't direct it. I didn't write it. But but at the end, he wishes to be Spider Man. And I become dakak I'm like, oh, Spider Man. But yeah, it is kind of like, I'm a bad boy. And I got how many legs? What is the eight limbs for little baby knobs and then yeah, yeah, for baby nubs for the women that I've some of the women that I've been with some of the anonymous empty hookups I've had lately. Just they read they they're like I was really hoping you have baby limbs and candles in order to you know one's child. couldn't be one spank me the other to the mouse the other you know the the holiest the whole, you know? I don't know. I don't know the politically correct term for vajayjay. For vagina vagina. That's Yes, that's not a swear word you can say. No, I was dive in giant vagina was a swear. Nope. You can say vagina vaginas? I don't. I can't because a lot of women when I come up to them and say vagina and I don't like that. Women don't tend to sit be not like my tone when I say vagina. I think if you're gonna just go up to a woman and just say vagina, you got to put on a show. You can't just say vagina you better be singing a damn stand up, you know, was so that I could slip in a vagina here and there. And I felt so free because it's being raised more than I thought was a dirty word. But if you use it, yeah, you just got to use it in a way that's, you know, sexy. Vagina isn't like, I want to, I want your vagina to be next to my penis as soon as possible. If, if you'd like to Yeah, if you wouldn't like to do that. I'll block you to protect my own feelings. That's perfect. Please use that next time and then report back to us to tell us how turned on she was by that? Well, okay. She was because it already worked. Hello? Okay. Hello. Sorry. I didn't know we okay. Okay, perfect. Everybody do that. Use vagina in that way. And you'll get love thing happening to you. Okay, you have a shirtless photo that happens to also feature a shark Nying at your abs maybe is this to say that you're as manly as a shark? It's kind of just trying to be funny. It's kind of a joke. Yeah, yes. The thing women are like, what is the message of this? And it's like, I don't know. I'm fucking you know, I'm funny as fuck. And I have a I have a flair for visual shit. Like, you know, women having sex with sharks and stuff. What what's the what's the what's the hold up with the intercourse when you see something like that? I was talking to a girl sent me nude with her. Her chest and her groin scribbled out with like, Oh, she was like, can someone do this? She was like, Can somebody undo this? And she sent it to me and was like, Can someone undo this? And I was like, I've got an idea of my own and I created the shark, the shark thing and send it to her and she was like, my friend would really like you. She immediately says, you know, my friend would realize she wasn't a fan of the shark being it's, it's just like, come on. I mean, like, I just feel like at least I guess you'd got to remember that the woman for you. I'm just weirded out by how many women are repulsed by even that even even that subversion of me being a merman is beautiful. Congress fish? Was it the fact there's no cop? Because I mean, pines is what I mean. Here's the thing. If I saw it, I would be like, Oh, he's like, saying I am towering over this shark. Look how much bigger and manly are like sharks are probably the most manly. They jump really far out of the water to eat stuff like that's what I would think like oh, please towering over a shark that was the implication was that I'm better than a shark. I really just wanted people to look at my abs Yeah, I was I'm gonna say the shark maybe It distracted me from the ABS but you are you gonna get maybe that's what you want. So you like maybe what you want on now I'm getting jealous you thinking about the shark. I'm giving myself everything naked. I'm giving presenting myself naked. Hello. Yeah, Mr. Marta? Yeah, and maybe shark maybe what? The sweaty little shark and there's something about sharks that are cool. And if you put a shark and a man in front of me, I see men every day. I will see a shark every day. So I'm gonna be like, Look at this cool. Like, why is the shark out of the water? I'm gonna have way more questions about the shark, Ben. Oh, man. Can you blame me? You can't blame me for that. I just I just I just I just feel like women hate DIC cakes. They're always complaining about getting dick pics about a man baring his soul with his naked penis. baring his soul. They hate that so I pay good. How about a nude without a dig? Women hate dig? Yeah, unless it's mine. They think mine is We don't need to get into. We don't need to get in. But women are always dig this and I hate dig and dig. How about a man without a dick? That's called a mermaid. A lesbian experience with a man and lesbian tripping a mermaid is I'm trying to what I was basically saying is I'm a lesbian trapped in a man's body. I like lesbians a great deal. I think they are living live in large. And I envy the life of not creeping out the women that they're trying to do. Yeah, yeah, man, you're on sin, creep, ice, and you go, you're in sin creep, ice. One false move, you could think of being bold and assertive. That is incorrect. Now you've been X, you're under the, you're under the sheet of ice. But you can't swim up. You can't swim up that I learned in a sexual harassment video. If you ask a woman on a date one time, and she says no. And you say, Okay, I want to ask again, it's not sexual harassment. It's when you continue to pester for the date and get angry and whatever. But that was very good for me healthy for me to learn because I thought, good expressing interest in basketball. No, no, no, no, no. I just thought that showing interest at all was risky, but it's okay to show interest. If you can take the signal of I am not interested in you at all. Next question, you say that you have your charms, but you are also deeply flawed in a super sexy way? What is your sexiest flaw? My my, my inability to commit my fear of commitment. Having a woman available to me willing to take care of there be there for me. And this not being good enough for me, me, always looking outside of someone who actually loves me and just trying to kind of quantify and have just sex with as many women as possible until the person who loved me doesn't love me anymore. And I think that's a pretty sexy flaw. Yeah. Thank you for sharing. Are you ready? For our next segment? Yes. We're gonna do some would you rather use for fun little fun little time? Wait, where's my book? Okay. Got a book here. And you have to think long and hard about these because they're, these questions are for couples. So your future spouse could be listening. If you choose wrong, it could be hell for you. Yeah. Would you rather switch bodies with your partner? So the future your future Lady for one night or sleep with an exact copy of yourself? So I think sleep in this context is have sex with myself. So an exact copy of myself as I've gay sex with myself or have straight sex as a woman? I might have straight sex. Or you could you either having gay sex with yourself? Or you're a woman and you're having sex? So either way, you're sleeping with yourself? I definitely was the woman to get pointers? I mean, not and I not that I think I've ever given anything less than, like the greatest sex of all time. But yeah, just to know, just to know, because I know how good it is. I want to experience that for myself. And also maybe get some pointers. Yeah. So to be like, Oh, maybe this is not as good. And then I think that would be the greatest educator to be in a woman's body having sex with me. And to kind of know what's working, what's not working. I probably kill myself. You want to know the truth? If I had sex on myself as a woman I'd probably hang myself after. But also, I gotta stay confident say I probably have multiple orgasms. And fall in love with myself even more. Mm. Well view. Hopefully that was the right answer for your future. Woman. Yeah, we won't know you'll have to report back. Okay. Would you rather your partner pick you up for a date? on a unicycle or a segue? I don't know how you are both. being transported. It's pretty easy to pick one unicycle that means there's no choice but to have oral sex on the way to date. Why? Because one person on the shoulders and there's only one. You have to have oral sex. Oh, but if she I think she's the one you're I would assume because she's driving. You're on her shoulders. Blowing Oh, and you're making her blow you. She's doing all of us work. Making her a unicycle showing up on the unicycle is an oral sex booty call. Oh, now you've established these boundaries. Raise and she knows okay, I get it. Okay, let's see. No one's done. Would you rather write someone in embarrassingly bad poem confessing your love? Make them up. Or make them a playlist of all Kidz Bop songs? This is your one time to impress her. I'm making this even this would you rather even more, you know, threatening I guess you this is your one chance to to tell her you love her and you can only either write her really bad love poem or make her but Kidz Bop playlist? What do you choose? I mean, I've made playlists in the past, but my music tastes is so good. It just got them all turned on and stuff. I'll be sending a playlist right after this to be honest. Okay. And, you know she'll she'll just fall more deeply in love, but as far as kids Bob it could be maybe it could be Kidz Bop. Have your very rare underground music. It's just my my do that first Kidz Bop of magnet. Okay, but I think I might do is yawning he's yawning ever. Yeah, I think it would be. What was the other one embarrassing love poem. I've written some embarrassing times. I've written some poems. Thank you so much love, in love, love, love. And she's just getting to having me save. My kids, Bob magma. I just I've had enough of, you know, because I playlist isn't really effort. It's just like, here's this. Women don't really like effort. They don't like what a man tries. They like when they get to try it on a man is like, fuck you. Yeah, they really prefer not men who don't like them. So you wouldn't? You wouldn't want to do so. Oh, because you would make a playlist because that's no effort. I see. I see. Okay, yeah. And then anyone who listens to kids, Bob is a pedophile. It'd be a sting. I would send them a kid's ball. Yeah, I'd send them kids Bob and then be like, I love this. And I'd be like, Why don't you take a seat? And you know, and yeah. To know why you're here. Yeah, yeah. Okay, so as a pedophile Hunter, kids, Bob. Now we're gonna ask you about a bad date story. Do you have any it sounds like you're just always on amazing good sexually pleasing dates. A bad date. i Please many women on the first date. That's no joke. But when I was younger, I went on a date with a member of the basketball team, the starting basketball team college. And I said I will not I said I will not look at a picture of her beforehand. I want to be surprised. You heard she was tall. And I opened the door and there's a seven foot tall woman. And I'm not knocking the tall thing. She's seven feet tall and not not someone that I feel a physical. I'm not attracted to her in that way. Yeah, yes. And we go and we get into my car. My car's parked crooked. And during dinner. I asked during dinner I asked her if she was a bully in high school. I asked if she had heard others with a height. And yes, it was a joke again, but she wasn't amused. And this was a disaster of a date. And I heard later on. Once she saw that my car was parked crooked. She knew it wouldn't be a bad day. Somebody about the crooked car told her she knew it wouldn't be bad. But you were no up to no good. Do you think she then wrote the movie tall girl she's like everybody thinks I'm the one bullying but really? I'm so tall and it's hard for me. Do you think that's what happened? There's a movie called tall girl all about a tall girl. As she might erode tall girl if I'm in and being like, you bully and I kind of wanted her to bully me. I was hoping for maybe a little punch in the mouth. I will punch in the jaw from this woman. Maybe it will kick in the stomach. Maybe a little light choking. Women just cannot take a hint. You gotta be so direct with them. You can't say Would you believe in high school? And yeah, and I gotta spell it out for you. Can you choke me? Can you throw me through fucking drywall? Every time I've got to walk them through hurting me and it's like Good lord. I'd like someone who naturally in your mind like knows recent years. or paddle me yeves me a BS me. Well, that sounds you didn't get thrown through a wall and that sucks for you. That really sucks for you. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry to imagine that. I'm sorry, too. How about let's talk about our red flags and green flags. By ours. I mean, yours on those apps? What What's the worst red flag? You see? You're immediately like, Get out of here, woman. You're not for me. Oh, there was one woman who, whose profile she had purple hair. And in each photo, she gradually morphed until she became a different person. It was like some experience of Joe to see if I was dumb enough to like actually go on a date. And I showed up so morphing Roseanne photos are red flag. dead eyes, even if the girl is very hot. dead eyes. Sometimes, girls have dead eyes as in like I I'm in I'm in this for the money. You can just see someone's aesthetic. If it's too sleek. If it's too monochrome, you just know they're not for you. If they're monochromatic, you know they get inside if they're showering grays, blacks, whites. Dead people. Can you hear those dogs? Sorry about them dogs. Okay, any other red flags? Probably not matching me. It's kind of a red flag. It's kind of like if a girl doesn't match me back. I'm kind of like that was probably a red flag anyway. Yeah, yeah. I could see that. What about uh, what about green flags? Anything that you're like, saucy lady into my, you know, they are. They have a sense of humor. You know, they enjoy the film or so. They seem to have an attitude of wanting to put me before there. That's a green flag when a woman clearly puts my needs before hers is willing to kind of step by standby as I take multiple wives, multiple lovers. That kind of thing. I think a woman who's willing to turn a blind eye to a lot of adultery is a green light. So would you be like, cool with like, one of those likes sex dolls? That seems like some of the i It has to be a real woman who is literally damaging your own self esteem in order to stay with me. Probably hard to find. It's probably hard to find these days as hard as you'd think. Oh, okay. Congrats. You founder. You founder. I'm kidding around. I respect women. Oh, okay. Any other green flags other than her being? You know, you're obsessed with you? Other than that? No. No family. No immediate family. Yeah, so you if she disappeared? Fine. No, no, I'm not saying that at all. I'm not saying that at all. Yeah, murdery cool. Yeah. Saying, can you do you want to be heard? Because women with families are always like, we want to see her you know? And it's like, no, she belongs to me. Now. You're not gonna see her? Yeah, over a life. You want to what cut the umbilical cord. She's married to me. She doesn't need to see your fucking family. Yeah, yeah. That's just a nuisance. Yeah. So you are her family now? Yeah, yeah. Do we need to go but do we need to backtrack with his old family? She had two brothers and sisters and she didn't get real. Come on. You're married to me? Yeah, you don't want to have to talk about other people. Yeah, and the the outdoors are an issue. She likes going outside. She likes leaving the house a lot and like seeing other men and not even necessarily seeing but seeing them. You know, that's not going to fly with me problem. Yeah, she likes hanging outside. There's going to be an issue. Yeah. Well, I think that hopefully one day you find this dream woman. Not as hard as you'd think. Are you saying that you're in a relationship and you're you're this is all a joke to you? She downstairs you sound of a bitch silver tongue Bella. She she and she tied herself up. Okay, Jackson, are you ready for our last question and this one's about go what oh leave I have one more question and then I don't want it to and then it's over well, you know what, I don't want it to end Well too bad as how this podcast works. This is how it goes. The sound goes K Jackson Do you think that if I met the comedian James a caster, do you think that I could make him fall in love with me? I asked this to my friends on the podcast What is this? What is this James? I haven't heard of this guy. You don't know James a caster Jackson banks watch Netflix this ginger? Yes. You're on my show. You're on my headlining album recording and talking about James a caster. How fucking rude Are you? I've been dropping signals all potty talk about a cast. Good Lord. I never read a woman's body unless I'm trying to make her my turn my child bride slave my sack My Bride slave not child but bride slave Jack said What does that mean that I think your jealousy is telling me that you know that I could mean James a cast or will one day meet and fall in love I think that's what you're telling me? A lot. Well, he looks like he he likes a nerd or two and you're pretty nerdy. So I guess if you want to settle for this freak show I do. We would have the most awkward life together and that's what I need. Someone who matches my awkward level you're pretty damn awkward. Especially you know I you know it's awkward. No social skills coming on another having another professional comedians podcast, or having another professional comedian on your podcast saying you'd rather this fella this freak yeah, I've done it to another comedian. I've done it to another comedian so I wish you the best I wish you the best I really do. Thank you You know what I didn't predict how much we would be talking about going down on cops would not have ever predicted that for us. So well you can follow Jackson banks at Camp Jackie you know I'm going to say that I have known Jackson banks for quite a long time and I could not have predicted where this podcast would take us Yeah, but I think that I have made a new James a caster fan out of Jackson banks. I think that he's gonna love him. And I feel proud of myself for that for some reason. You can follow Jackson on Camp Jackie. If you want some more of his insanity his special is going to come out soon. Hopefully by the time this is released and you can see me dancing in a really cool jacket so watch it you know watch that shit and follow us on social media if you feel like it you don't have to it's not a requirement of you but you can if you want to see me around town on the internet by sci fi How about we get married this fucking guy? Come on in. Yeah, no, vote him out. Oh crap. Come on. I gotta go gotta get these chimney swept. Deja Horcrux chimney I'm asleep. No, no no vote them up. Book one of these. Oh, crap job this Jimmy. Come on nine. Outside the queen. This fucking guy over me. What the hell's going on?