Internet Acquaintance Dillon

This week we talk to internet acquaintance Dillon about the greatness of the 2009 movie I love you, man -- which we both quote to this day. We also talk about seeing Gorillaz live in concert!
Sound Supervisor B.T. Measles.
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Transcript

Unknown: 0:10

Welcome to cartels pursuit of happiness. I'm your host Marta. And this week we talk to Dylan. And we discuss things like Joe and also giving almost literally ghosted so first things first icebreaker Have you ever sent a dick pic? Years and years ago? Like, I would mean, I was sending a dick pic in high school. And like, I remember a while back, I got some photos. You know, some girl sent me a picture of boobs, and I'm just like, cool. And, you know, she was expecting something changed, you know? And I'm just like, I haven't done this in years. Like, you know, and I'm like, I don't know. And I just couldn't do it. I'm I'm sorry. I haven't I have not done in my gallery. Yeah, like, I don't have the time to properly position my dick in a good, like picture. Moment. You know, I don't know. I just so you did in high school. And that was like, Okay, you're I think you're a little bit. Yeah. How old are you? I'm 30. I'm 29 I graduated. 2010. Okay, so, back then, our phones weren't great, right? 20 No, no, I wear like a three megapixel camera or something like that. If your deck was to be spread around the internet, like having that pixelated picture is probably the best for you. I would probably, you know, but even then, like I had quite a bit of time on my hands. You know, so like, I wasn't pick unless this was like, you know, okay, got it. Okay, good. Good to know. It wasn't. So it was somebody asked you for it. You weren't like flinging those out. No, no. Yeah. I've never done that. That. In fact, that idea is actually like, appalling to me that someone just randomly came to dick pic. This is like, what do you think? Yeah. I also don't understand it. But you know, I've never had anyone just randomly send me a dick pic before, you know. Yeah. Not on purpose. Yeah, yep. Okay, good answer. Okay, so we're gonna I'm gonna ask you some questions that helps me. Like, and our future audience get to know you a little bit. So this helps me I don't know if it would help everyone. What is your favorite movie? I guess you answering your profile, but they don't know that. Are you quote from that? No, no, that doesn't have to be necessarily favorable. Yeah, I quote a lot from my login man. Because I feel like it's very relatable. You know? Yeah, it has been for years. Yeah. So favorite movies? I don't know. I got a lot of weird movie choices. Okay. Like, how about your the last movie that you watched that you thought was really good? How about that? Okay, so I was watching heat with Robert De Niro and Al Pacino. Okay, so 90s movie about robbery and opportunity. I was a cop trying to hunt down. And actually, John Mulaney talks about this in one of his skits where he's like, he's like, what was a he was talking about the respect, like there's hits this point where Al Pacino, like, catches up to Robert De Niro, and invites him out to coffee. And he's like, I know what you're up to. And if it comes down to me having to take you down. I'll do it. You know, they have this like, you know, it's just like this meaningful conversation. They have respect for one another, but they're basically like, Yeah, I'll kill you to get my way. You know, so it's a good movie. Very, very Matt manly like. Well, it was. But yeah, it is a very manly movie. With family movies. When I mean, like, one of my favorite movies are it's a Big Trouble in Little China. Oh, yeah. Well, John Carpenter movie, and I actually haven't seen it. But I have lots of people tell me to watch it. And I just haven't. Yeah, it's super cheesy. Super ad. Yeah. I mean, yeah, it's great. It's, I mean, I grew up watching it sounds like it's on my list. I just haven't done it yet. Okay. Next question is also maybe in a similar difficulty. Favorite music musician, or if you can think of that, maybe your top Spotify. If you have Spotify flight artists, so I have YouTube music, which I highly recommend. You can't show anyone my Spotify your choice. It's over. It's overrated. Yeah. So but it makes it interesting. When everyone asked me what do you listen to because I have no idea, you know, and I listened to just about everything. One of my favorite bands, which my buddies you know, showed me was band called Fleet Foxes. Oh, yeah. I love Fleet Foxes. Robin Pecknold is probably one of the greatest singer songwriters his generation. A few years back, I actually had back to back shows at Red Rocks. First night was grillers with Vince Staples. And the next night was a Fleet Foxes with a beach house and they were sounds like a dream come true. What's it like? See? We're gonna just talk about this for a second. What's it like seeing the gorillas like what did they do is it just them and then they just had like pictures of their cartoon version? Yeah, well, so when we saw him you know, we were kind of sitting in another zip code so they Yeah, a lot of their you know, their all their digital video stuff going on in the background, you know, that was going into the music but they also had blow ups of, you know, Damon Albarn was up there and just saying and I love that of course, they had been staples come out and sing a few of his songs. But you know, a few years prior to that concert is the gorillas were in hiatus, but we see Damon Albarn do his solo stuff. She gave me this this album. I forgot what it was called. But it's pretty groovy. Actually. I liked it. Yeah, so, but he thrown a couple of drills sets when we saw him and we figured he was going to. Yeah, I'm very jealous. I love him. I love blur. I love the gorillas. I love his new album. I know that he said some dumb stuff about Taylor Swift. But I think his you know, Swift. Basically, it was very click Beatty, so I feel like it was blown up. Really big for what he said. But he was like, she doesn't really like him. Someone said something about Taylor Swift. And she was like he doesn't she has a really right at her own songs because she co writes, which is it was dumb of him to even comment because he doesn't know if he doesn't know that she does writer on songs. No, it was just Yeah, but I'm in an awkward scenario. What was he talking to? Like? A he was talking to a music reporter and and stuff that the music journalists asked him that because like, I don't know, it was just a weird situation. Nobody. I mean, I don't think anyone really cares because Taylor Swift Fans don't give a shit about Damon and his things. Like years ago, what was it emails came out from Jack White, and him basically just talking shit on black keys. Yeah. And granted, they were his personal emails. You know, they were exactly supposed to get out. But when it came out, and then what was like, go to the black keys. What do you think about this? They were kind of just like, well, you know, we think he's wrong. But like, yeah, like, you can't just like decipher someone's personal shit, you know? Yeah. Yeah, it was. It's our personal space, you know? Yeah, this was like an interview. But it was just like, it was blown way out of proportion. And I still like him. And hopefully, he's learned a lesson not to speak about stuff that he doesn't know that much about. All right. Next question. Oh, wait, did I forget? Let me see. I have no cards. Um, what is your job? And you don't tell us? Like, where you work? Because that, yeah, we don't want to know that. You don't want to know where I work. Because who knows about this podcast may be creeped full, get into it and stalk you? Who knows? So just tell us like what you do briefly? Well, I do internet for trade shows and conventions. Okay. So basically, I help with, you know, if like, there's a, in a production of doing a show I help out with, like, you know, I get with the AV coordinators, yeah, figure out what the audiovisual needs are. But then there's a show management and they, you know, maybe they have point of sale systems or registration systems. And so we help, you know, outline our facility, okay, this is where we have internet access available. Here's the different types of internet we have available throughout the facility. And then we kind of work with show managers to map the way the convention is going to be built. Okay, that sounds stressful, just knowing what goes on. I know where you work because of your email. Just the things that I'm not going to stalk you I promise, you're I do care. I stalked you before coming here. I mean, I You also have my name so you already follow me on my foot that was before this anyways. Yeah, well, I mean, you post pretty good quality shit. So I hope I do. Keep going, you keep going. You know, I have to pass through a lot of memes a day. You know, there's very few there's memes videos that I get excited see about group grabs sometimes, you know, but no, you're you're you're on the right track. Okay. Okay, so last question. And you can well not last question to but of this segment. What you can interpret this in any way you want to. What what is wrong with you? What is wrong with me? You know what I say there's definitely something wrong with me here can be dating or just like a physical ailment of the day or like, you know, I always need something going on in my life, whether it be work or extracurricular activities, you know, and I always seem to fail when it comes to relationships, especially with females, you know, I mean, I got tons of like, guy friends and girlfriends, or friends, you know, yeah, yeah. And, and, yeah, just just when it comes to a relationship, I think a lot of it has to do with fact, I'm so damn busy with work in school. Yeah, actually maintain relationships or is like, you know, like, it's hard. Yeah. But the attention that it deserves, probably deserves, yeah. And yeah, and I have learned from, you know, previous failed attempts that you know, and it's like, well, this could be definitely it. And, you know, it's maybe it's the way I need to structure my time, but maybe it's something else to do. You know, maybe I'm just like, you know, I'm keeping my mind open. Yeah. I'm an interesting kid, you know, but I'm honest. I'm an honest, fair individual. Good. Good. Okay. That's, that's good. That's, that answers it, but I doubt it does. It does. Okay. We're moving on to our next segment, which is overgeneralize questions for you a man or okay. So basically, lots of the time. So far, people have not really connected to these questions. They are like, Wait, men are like this. You just have to pretend that you're one of these pieces shit. You so just answer it what you think like a lot of men would think. Okay, that makes sense. All right. So even if you don't feel like you do these things, just guess what? Answers for other men? Okay, so there's this I hear from the internet. There's a big debate on socks in bed. It seems to be from men who are more like, you're either on socks on or off. Do you have an opinion about this? Mostly for you? I run hot. So like if I wear my socks in bed, like, you know, I can't sleep or I get like, way too hot. And then it started getting sweaty. And then they're getting cold. So it's just like, keep socks off. You know, you warm them up somewhere in other legs. Yeah, yeah. No, no, no that socks off. You know, but yeah, would you I don't know what a guy's opinions on socks. That's what I it's it's honestly like there's not a clear answer. It's usually people have very strong opinions one way or the other. Well, yeah, I mean, like present some people run cold. So if you run cold, you know where some fucking sucks. But that's the thing. Like some people will stare and people were socks in bed. Like what's the matter with? It's like, well, maybe because they don't fucking like have a body like you. You know? Yeah, like, so you don't care if you're in bed with a woman you don't have a strong opinion. If she wears socks are not no. I mean, granted are like, you know, they want my nasty feet next to their feet. You know, that could be a thing. Yeah. Like, you know, by like trying to curl up my feet next to their feet, and they're wearing socks. And they're like, oh, man, I'm glad I'm wearing socks. I don't want your sweaty ass feet over. Yeah, that's right now that's a good point. That's my personal opinion, I guess on my feet. Like at the beginning of the night. I'm annoying and I get I think I would be some man's worst nightmare. Because my feet are always really cold when I go to bed, but then I get warm in my bed. So I take them off and then I'll find them like hit it like I wash my sheets and stuff but I'll find them hidden within my my sheets and I'm like, I don't even remember that. And I go oh, I was just gonna say sometimes I like kick my socks off of the bed. You know? Like oh, what am I doing? You know? And I'll do that lays Yes. Like yeah, sock off without actually using your feet type thing and then yes, then I'm looking for my socks and then I find it upstairs because the dogs took it and then and own. Yeah, mine is like I have a collection I have like a little space at the end of my bed and I'll find just like socks at the missing for a while. And I do I don't have dogs I have cats but they also like socks. So I go and hide them around house and they do they do and I also when ever I have somebody in my bed and my feet get cold. I do tend to stick them in people's knee pits. So far. Nobody has like been really angry about you know, I actually like I can't win, like cold sea, like touched me at first, just like, oh, you know, like a shocker. Oh, this is nice, you know? Yeah. Nobody has gotten mad at me so far. But one day that's gonna work against me. Or someone is just like, just discussing see over there? Yeah. Okay, next question. Also these questions are from like the internet and some of them are from my brain and some of them are from social media. Okay? No, like, Okay, do men ever cry? Or are you all just faking it? Okay, I used to cry a lot. I'm not gonna lie. I used to, like cry a lot like high school, but now, I'm just getting more dead inside. Yeah, you know, but certain things make me cry. Like, like, I would go to like, like, think like, really, like logically about certain scenarios that I'm going through and really, like, I probably should be crying during this, you know, like, I feel like I shouldn't be crying. But you know, and a while back my, you know, my uncle Blake passed away and, and, you know, I love milk. Like, he was a good guy. And I went to his funeral. And I remember telling myself before going to his funeral. I was like, Man, you better cry. Or like, you know, I've lost all hope and myself, you know? Yeah, I did. I recognized. And afterwards, I was kind of like a, you know, a happy balling. So I'm not, you're not completely. You know, I'm just like, Okay, you got some life left. That's good. I'm like running away from those. See me? Oh, my God. Yeah, I feel like, I feel like, I cry a lot. So I'm not, but my sister is like the opposite. So we'll be watching a movie. And I get embarrassed around her. I cry, like during every pig and she's like making fun of the movie we are watching. It's a nominee for best picture coda. And there's a part where like, so it's about this girl who goes into music, but she has deaf parents. So like, they can't like experience her singing. And then her dad's like, Okay, I want you to sing for me. And then he's like touching your vocal cords. And it was like, really sweet. And I was like, crying and my sister was like, I don't know. Maybe she is heartless movies. I cry and you know, especially like the horror films like I still cry at the end of the lord of rings. Oh, yeah. Like, when like, it leaves Middle Earth, you know, salmon. All of them are sitting on the pier. Gandalf spot believe and he's like, it's time, Frodo. What? That was like, That hit me so hard. Right. So the first time and it still hits me hard to this day. Yeah, that is that is such a Yeah, it's like the go to if you feel like you need to cry. Put that on. I feel like artistic point of views can make me cry. You know, especially if it's like really like, you know, for the Time Lord of the Rings, you know, that type of cinematography. That was? Yeah, it was like, I don't know. It's great changing. And then now I don't know, like certain music I can get really good feeling about but I've never had like a song make me cry. I know a lot of people tell me certain songs can make them cry. And I wish I had that kind of emotion. Yeah, like, I guess that depends on the mood. I think I also so I have this problem. When I cry. My eyes get really like super swollen and I was like, am I allergic to my tears? And it turns out depending on why you're crying, like the hormones in your tears can affect how they how your eyes. Okay, so feel. So sad tears make your eyes swollen or Yes, sad tears. I read. I guess mostly I'm crying sad tears. So it's not like Subway tears are good once in a while. Like when I'm sad, I like cry more. Right? So my eyes get really really swollen, which is terrible. Because then the next day, like people are like, what's the matter with you? And then I'm like, Oh, great. Now I have to think about that sad thing again. And then i Cry some more. Yeah, I just cry all the time. Man crying, man. cry too, right? Yeah, man, man cry. You know, I freaking I've cried with my dad. I've cried with my brothers. That's good. Friends. Yeah, you know, but like, it's weird when I heard hears certain scenarios that I know. I should be crying. It's almost like I won't be doing it by myself. Yeah, you know, it's like, I get that when people cry. I immediately Yeah. And then I you know, and then I'm course trying to fight it. You know, I'm just like, make me cry. Oh, okay. next and last question of this segment. Okay, so this one was from social media and it was actually From a man, and I guess he doesn't know the answer to this. Do men really think about nothing? When they say they think about something? No, not necessarily because like, we are thinking of something, but it's definitely something we don't want to explain. Yeah, yeah. Someone you know, it's like, we're we definitely are getting into like our nitty gritty where we probably saw something that let us know on a good time, nostalgic for it, or maybe it was a bad time and you start rethinking experience, and it's just locked in your head and it's like, Are you paying attention to me like, next? Let's do, we're gonna do your profile. Next. Okay. So basically, what I'm gonna do, is I'm gonna basically interpret what I think certain things mean, on your, on your profile. Change my profile, I'll tell you what, no, you're gonna be surprised with with my questions because it's from my brain. Okay. So basically, I'm gonna just interpret something from it. And then you can just you can answer or tell me really why it's why you chose whatever you chose. Okay, so first, first, you say that your sixth one and I, and you promise that your sixth one? Okay, so I got it. Yeah, don't listen to the rest because it gets weirder. Why do you think high is so important to women in the era of Tom Holland and Zendaya? Follow up? Does it have to do with koala hugs? If you don't know what that means? What that is, I'll explain it. But first answer the first part. Okay, first off, I as a tall person, I think it's awful, you know, to forget to be like not saying it's also be a tall person. Let's just say I'm the guy who goes to shows. Yeah, there's a short person behind me. I'm like, Ah, shit. Like here, like, come on, you know, get your head in there. So you can? Yeah, we're having fun. Yeah, but like I have, I've been on tons of Bumble dates where, you know, people, like hug me or something like, oh, gosh, thank goodness, you're actually six foot. I'm like, What are you talking about? And it's like, so many guys lie to me about their height. And you know, and then they say it's not like an inch or two. It's like, they're like drastically exaggerating what their height is in the hopes that once they get there, they'll charm them with their I guess, you know, superior personality. Yeah, because their height is not getting them to the date, I guess. So they're just like you've actually heard it. Yeah, I'm talking six one. Yeah, no, it's I guess you got Yeah, so. So I've had that happen three times recently. Okay. How do you actually are the height you say? You are not like, fucking six, seven inches shorter than they really are? You mean you can tell me you get that date? You're looking for someone fucking six or seven inches taller than the dude who's walking up? Yeah, so you're just like, that would be very jarring. I don't think I've ever like when I when I use, like dating apps to actually like date people. Now for podcast reasons. I don't ever think that I've like looked at height and been like, yeah, no, no fit. But I guess I'm like an average. heighted woman five, five. So I guess you'd have to be. I don't. I don't get intimidated by height until it's like someone who's taller than me. You know? Which I don't give a shit. If you're taller than me. That's fine. Yeah. Are you okay with that? Because, you know, it's going to be from a different perspective. Maybe? Yeah. Be like, you know, they would have to be like, that woman would get lots of lots of stairs. She was taller than six. Well, six one. Yeah, I've seen people you know, tall like that. And I've you know, seen their shoes. And I'm like, Damn good for you. Yeah. There's two movies based on a tall woman called tall girl. Do tall girls one short guys like me asking them you know, like, if they're a whole, like six inches taller than me and I'm six feet like that's considered when someone is six inches taller than me, you know? And it's like, you know, say Hey, babe, how's it going? If you are six, seven woman, I think that you are going to just automatically most people on dating apps are going to be shorter than you but who knows? I'll totally go on a date with them. I was like, let's do it. You know, I'm just this is new for me too. You know, ya know? No, so yeah, hi is not a factor for me. So sometimes Yeah, I mean, I just basically throw that in there because I've had multiple occasions Yeah, girls be real. I see you because men are lying to women. That's a couple of them, you know? Or maybe there's just a couple short guys out there that give, you know, the short the other short guys a bad rap. Yes. You know, I'm one of the taller guys in my friend group and the friends are exactly short by any means. Yeah. But you know I've in you know, people, I guess people care. Okay, so do you know what a koala hug is? Has anyone ever? So is that where I get to call a koala bear? Because if it isn't, then I don't know what it is. It's, it's worse than that. So, okay, you need like a tall, sturdy person. I guess if you're really small, it doesn't. They don't have to be that tall. But more, it's more of a challenge if they are taller. And what you do, the tall person stands with their arms out. And then the other person just runs and then jumps and holds on to them sideways with their arms and their legs like wrapped around them, like a koala to a tree. And I assume, so if an adult does it to me. I'm probably getting taken. I mean it when my nephew does it to me, you know, it's Yeah, but yeah, I just love you if I had that kind of power. Trust me. I love that. That'd be awesome. But I mean, I'm tall. Yes, but I'm not exactly. You know, I need a couple more cheese and a couple more cheeseburgers on my way to Yeah, I feel like that would be like, I don't care about high and so if I dated someone really tall, I'd be like, that would be the like my most like, I'd be most excited to try that. Do you want to try to catch like a hold my arms out? Like it's got to be my left arm. We would have to have some like, it would have to be very we'd have to be safe about it because I'll I have scoliosis and you know, I just get injured easily. So I got I got mountain bike gear for yes. There we go. Well do that. Perfect. Oh, yeah. Do you have the like? No, that's like for sure. I do. So I busted my collarbone. Yeah, I guess if you want to call it mountain biking me and my friends. We're just kind of fucking around this point. But and then I you know I got a bad eye. You know, I've had a detached retina and Macula so I'm like full face helmet. Yeah. Everything. I mean, I'm not fucking around, you know? Yeah. Okay, well, I don't care. But I mostly get up to 90 degrees. And I might start like, yeah, taking that. I think that's great. I know somebody who was a pro rollerblader they refuse to wear any I think that it was like they felt very, like going to skate parks. They were like, Oh, I feel emasculated. So I'm not going to wear any sort of protection at all. And then he got a skull fracture. And I was like, you idiot. I don't talk to that person anymore. But I hope he's all right. But fucking helmet man is like your Yeah, I have four different helmets in my my closet right now. You know, I think you got one for like, where I do snowboarding. So yeah, I got one for when I read my pedal bike. I went for my mountain bike. I got a little, you know, Letterman helmet. Yeah, you gotta had mom. My dad. My dad always made the joke. Like why put $100 held about 25 So head, and then he would go out and buy us. Helmets, you know? Is this Oh, gosh. No, I don't don't don't crack it open. Please do it. And he had trauma. Yeah. And yeah, and I've had you know, concussions cause from, you know, like skateboarding and stuff like that. And I can only imagine what would happen if I wasn't wearing a helmet, you know, brains coming out of your head. Yes. Okay. So you say you park your mountain bike in the kitchen? Is this you saying that mountain biking is as important as food to you know, because I need food every day. But it's there to cook with me or I'll move it aside. Yeah, we don't have any more room in the garage. I got my I got one bike in there already. And then all the rest of the bikes. You know, I live with two other people who also like a little happy Bike Ped biker paradise in here, you know, and, but I keep it in there because, you know, I went out and actually spent some good money on a mountain bike and the first thing I do is like, oh my gosh, I need to have my eyes on this at all times. Because I trust it in my garage, you know, or I don't trust like I've had way too much shit stolen from me. Yeah, you know, then that I already have troublesome sleeping so the fact that I just know it's in my chair. Yeah, you know, I'll go and get a glass of water at night and I'm surprised. Possession Yeah. I've gotten a lot of talk about that too. Everyone's like, little, they're like, I don't know, someone was like, how do you how do you cook with your mountain biking the kitchen? Just move as you move around. You know, I don't put a chef hat on it. It's not like we're sitting there like cooking together. So. Okay, follow up question. If mountain biking. Were a meal, what would it be? Oh, steak and potato. Okay, is it steak and potato? You know that is? Or my biscuits and gravy. It is just that kind of freakin wholesome. Just comfort food. Yeah, you just you know, that takes forever to imagine you know all the work that goes into that meal. Yeah, the time the prep, and you're just like, Oh my God, I hope this worth it. You actually sit down eat it like, oh, it was worth it. How's your steak cooked? Medium rare. Okay, and I don't really eat steak. But my dad always cooks or steak. Yeah, well, that's just very well done. He does. Wait, why that's not steak. It's insane. I don't know. It's disgusting. To me that he's doing it wrong. He trusts me. We have told him this. It's what I'm gonna say wait, you know, like, beat is way too expensive. So when I could, like be for myself, like it's true. You know? Otherwise, it's like chicken or Yeah, you know, I like to cook pasta. Or, you know, maybe I'm a lazy so I'll just go to Harmons. And what Harmon has made today that I can eat, you know? Yeah. Harmons salad bar. That's a great. So it is perfection. That's a treat. Yeah, I feel like I eat steak at restaurants. I don't cook it because I don't. I don't have confidence in cooking that meat. I love cooking steaks. I get a little intimidated ordering at restaurants because I see how expensive it is. Yeah, restaurants, you know that? I'm like, Ah, I can just go home and do this. It's only like special occasions. I feel like if you're like, Oh, I'm filling spendy today. Oh, here's here's the question. First time I've ever seen anyone say they want kids someday. Or maybe I just haven't noticed. Do you do boys pick out kid names? Oh, you know, when I was younger when I thought Zach was a cool kid name and I was like, I better not name my kids. It seems like a 90s name. Yeah. But you know, and I always got a lot of flack for being named DL. And so I was always like, you know, I'm gonna name my kids something normal like John, or Sam, you know? So I deal with the fallback and having a name like Dylan. I don't know. I also have a weird name. So I guess like your name. I like it now. But as a kid, nobody. Like nobody was named my name. And so for awhile, I was like, call me Elizabeth. That's my middle name. Tell people to call me that and then and never stuck. So would you get people that called you, Martha? Or something like that? Oh, well, yeah, I feel like that's automatically when people change my name to in their brains. Like, any time I've order food or anything like that. Nobody and I pronounce it with a tea. But you know, just don't you just don't see it very often. People always spell my name wrong. And what gets me as I can understand when they spell my name wrong. And like, you know, they've never seen my name before. When they have to give me a coffee, you know, or something like that. That's fine. But what gets me is when I get emails from people I work with where my name is, like spelt in my email, and they spell my name wrong. Like what the fuck? Like, you know, it's like, I can like sit there look at someone who's difficult name and it's like, I don't have to worry about it. Because it's right there. I can feel it right. You know, someone's like, hey, Dylan hate but first off, don't call me and then spell my name right. I had a person that I worked for, who I worked for for a full year. And they like roe on my Facebook. And they're like Martha, we're so glad that we have you on the show. Like it first of all, it says my name. And I've also worked for you for a full year and have interacted with you multiple times. It was wild. I was like, maybe it was like autocorrect or something No, I'm I spelled your name right. So I remember being like it's spelled differently. The Hello and asystole but people spelt di ll IO n. And I'm like, daily. Yeah, I'm like, What the hell is this? Like, maybe? And I'm like, where did you get Dylan from? From that, you know, I'm just like, and then I also have this other guy I work with named Dylan spelled exactly like my name. What and I, so I get his emails, he gets my emails, we're constantly passing emails back and forth to each other. So sounds like a riot. It's quite a riot. So you don't have names. Now as an adult. Like for you right now? No, for your children, for your teachers. Oh, no, I haven't really gotten that far out. I'm trying to think of something that's creative. But I also don't want to have like one of those weird crazy ass names for my kid. You know, that's Utah names. Yeah, you know, make Halo or some shit. Like, I don't know. Well done the most ridiculous way. Oh, yeah. That's a good question, though. Because I've never really thought like, depending on although, if I, although I actually do like the name still. And I know somebody who has named their kid that, really, it's hope in JRR Tolkien's Elvish link. Oh. And that's what Aragorn was named. When he was a child hiding from sour sour, Ron. I think they called him. Yeah, still, which was hope, because he was the last hope for you know. And then there wasn't too much older that, you know, they let him know like, actually, you're, you know, the last like, person take on the throne of the king. So I did not know this. That's a good name. Yeah. So I was like, I still would be pretty sweet. I like name I can Estelle and it could be a boy or girl. You know? Yeah, it was very fluid name. Yeah. Okay, follow up question. How many kids do you want? Do you have it? For two to because, like, I feel like you can't just have one kid, you know, you have to give it a brother's history. Like, that's what sucks if I had one kid, and it's like, Oh, shit. Another one? Yep. So I don't know. It's but I don't want any more than two, you know? Because I don't know. And me being a parent. Like, and I don't know, I felt like I'd be too good at being that fun dad and not good enough at being that hey, discipline, discipline, discipline, discipline. Yeah. And that really worries me because yeah, I want to have fun. So like, they know, I might get lost, lost track of, you know, my kid being more of a friend to me than actually being my kid. So, yeah, the things that go through my mind. As I get older. It's good to think about, I think, yeah. To ask yourself these questions, I feel like do you want kids? Or do you scan the sheet out, you can skip the shit out of me. For money, I am my niece's nanny, so I love kids. And I love her. And she like it's fun hanging out there. I don't know. None of my other family is like having kids. You know, like, my, my, my dad has two nephews, or I guess I have two nephews from you know, one of his previous marriages than she doesn't want anything to do with this type thing like that. Yeah. So beyond that. There is like, no, no one else in our family is having kids so like gives me it's like, well, I can't have any cool nieces or nephews to freakin practice. Yeah. Rely 100 As I get older. No, that worries me. It's like maybe I do need it. Oh, look at all my other brothers and sisters. I'm like, I don't know if you guys are gonna have kids or not. Maybe I'm like the one and only hope for the family of grandkids for mom and dad, you know? Yeah. I don't know. Yeah, kids scared the absolute shit out of me though. And, you know, and, of course, I'm a far way off from having him. Yeah, you know? I yeah, I don't know. I felt like I Well, I'm 31 So if I want kids to kind of think about it, but in my life right now. No way in hell, but who knows what the future I was more worried about being alone as I got older. Yeah, like five years ago me that was really worried about maybe I should have kids because you don't want to be that lonely ass fucking seven year old who's you know? Also, I was like, You know what, maybe if I am but like, or, you know, I don't know. It's weird. I can't tell what seven year old Dylan's gonna be like, but I feel like so I live with my sister. And me. I feel like me and her might become like, the neighborhood witches. Like people will be like closer, but we're nice. We like kids a lot, so that probably wouldn't happen. Like they wouldn't be afraid of us. But just like the old ladies, yeah. Here's the circuit back in my day. Yep, exactly. But I have I have three nieces and they will take care of me. We've already. I'm already figured out. Yeah, I'm still like, I don't know what the hell is gonna happen here? Yep. Let's see, maybe maybe I'll just be that old guy who just, you know, just see, ya know, but it's like, every time you hear you hear about us alone, I have no problem with being single. You know, I actually like being single. Which sucks, because maybe I would want a kid. You know? People might be like, I'm being awesome dad. But you know, I'm a terrible like, like, I guess I'm terrible at relationships. I don't know. I mean, I feel you. I 100% That's how I feel. I'll be a great mother. Terrible wife. Yeah, it's a vicious, it's weird cycle where it's like, you know, you can't have one without the other or the other one going to shit, you know? Yeah. So I feel like if you're, if you make enough money you could make it just would be hard. You would need some support and some kind of way of raising a child alone. I wouldn't even really mind adopting a child. Yeah, well, I thought about that, like, you know, it'd be sweet. And, you know, I am, you know, by myself on a single income and I know the processes involved with stuff like that. Would they allow me to adopt a kid? That's a whole question. That is Yeah, valid? Who knows? I don't know. All right. Next. Okay. We talked about this earlier, you say that you quote too much from I Love You, Man. And we'll get back to that. We're gonna get back to that question a little while is the photo of you with all your girlfriends proof that although you love that movie, or nothing like Peter, because you have a lot of male friends. Yeah, that is very good observation there. But I feel like I like you know, it was kind of like, I wouldn't relate much to Peter as I do relate to you know, Jason Siegel's character, right, maybe I don't know, he might have more finesse than I do in that movie. But you know, it's just like, I don't know. That's a good question. Yeah, cuz I got tons of guy friends. Like we mean, my guy friends. We rely on one another. We're obviously Peters just relied on relationships his whole life. He's never had any guy friends. Yeah, I don't know. Maybe I'm more like Robbie. I'm a. I mean, I'm as his gay brother. Yeah. I feel like I I honestly relate to Peter because I have sisters. So I don't like necessarily have a lot of girlfriends. I have one good girlfriend from when I was like, 15. And we're always just like, we know, like, I don't know, we're always we're, I only need her and my sisters. I don't need more than that. I don't know. But maybe that will be a red flags for people. Could probably would be but okay, but yeah, I mean, I absolutely love that movie, though. Yeah, Peter Klavan. Like, like, he's good, man. I don't watch it. I was like very obsessed with it when it came out. And I might watch it for years. But I think it's on Netflix. And I want to watch it. Oh, yeah. No, it's I watched it like back back back three times. I saw it. So yeah, I remember that movie came out that one and like Forgetting Sarah Marshall, like a to like, Oh, those are great. Those are great. Jason Segel is great. Here's that then and anything that he's kind of a recluse? He certainly get back out there a little bit. But I guess he was just been on a he has like an orange farm, I guess. Writing a lot of books, and he's actually published a lot of writing. Yeah. But I met him at while I was working at Sundance, and he was there for end of the tour. And I was like, at the back of the house, and he like came in and was like, I don't know where to go. And I was like, holy shit. I was like, Ah, I can help you. And I was like, Yeah, because we're not supposed to, like, if you volunteer for Sundance, you're not like supposed to be like, Hey, you're awesome. Can I take a picture with you? You have to just like be like here. Yeah. Can you not fangirl for I would fangirl for I like get very awkward and I when I feel like embarrassed or I get really red in the face, so I'm sure he was really nice. And it was it was cute. You seems like a cool guy. And you know, like, I liked how he actually like really thought like he wanted to be a Korean choreographer like puppet well Yeah. Musicals when he was growing up. Yeah. And he was able to that's why he did the the. Yeah. And and Forgetting Sarah Marshall, he had dress Dracula The I did not know that about something he actually really wanted to do. So he was able to incorporate that with his other work. So that's cool. Cool. I hope he's in. I mean, I liked end of the tour, hopefully then more indie stuff because I think they're good. Okay, next question. You say your favorite quality and a person is humor, whose humor Would you date if you could, and this person the sense of humor doesn't have to be a woman. It could be, for instance, John Mulaney, his sense of humor, but like his humor transformed it to a woman. Ah, it would be a personified person of whoever's humor you you think is most you would most date let's say it's a hard one. And yeah, I understand. It's a little strange, but try your best. Who was the one I was looking at a while ago. I forget his name, but I saw his a comedy special and it was freaking hilarious. But, uh, as the year goes, Great, hang on. He's got it. He's got he's got his own show on. Well, he did. It's called catastrophe on. Oh, I Yeah. I know who you're talking about? It. What's his name? Pete? Something? Wait, no, no, no, Rob Delaney. Rob. Rob Delaney. Yeah, Rob Delaney. Okay, if somebody could have robbed a lady's personality, and like that, that like is I saw him do a show at Wiseguy guys, and I love him. And then he has gonna bring it down his he had a son who died of cancer. And he has the most like, beautiful. Like, it's like a three minute thing where he talks about like his son dying, and how it kind of made him be like, I'm not afraid of dying, because I'm going to experience this. This thing that my son did, and it's like, honestly, will make you cry. It's so beautiful. So when if you feel like crying? Okay. Last question of this segment. We're coming back to I love you, man. What's your favorite? But you just have to know what your favorite quote is? Oh, you know where? Where he goes on. Like, it's not even a date. But you know how he takes that one gay guy. Yeah, it's at the beginning. And then. And then he catches him out with it with GCOS character and he's like your horror, Peter. Your dirty little horror. And then we hug each other and he walks by again. He's like, you're Peter. That's, I love that guy, the actor to a guy but I can't think of his name. I can't think of his name either. That was good. And then what was the flow as it were there in the, at the open house for for a seller? What's his Bluefruit knows. And then he meets a claim for the first time they they meet and then he's like, he's like, Oh, this guy put in the offer from this house. And he's like, I don't think he buys it. You know, he explained. So I'm glad he tried to solve Yeah, that guy's got a fart. And you know, and then he is waiting for him to see like he's told his girl so go check out the kitchen. And he's like, That's a fucking fart, bro. They've cropped us in some manner with him. There. So do you remember when totes McGoats was like? Yes, yes. Yeah, those were like and Joe Biden Joe Benz. That was a great he gave he gave he gave someone I think it gives him the nickname Joe Biden, right. That was that movie? Yeah. Joven Yeah, no, no, it's like, you got children. He's like, What do you call me? And he's like, I actually have no idea. Anything I don't know why I called you that. I really need to watch that movie. I really loved it for so many years. Oh, I was gonna say the, you know where he's at? JK Simmons are at dinner. And he's talking about how Hank Mark Lucas is. IBM friends three years. He's like, Yeah, but Robbie is my friend. And take Mark Lucas. So I just I just love the Hank Mark Ducasse references me my friends kind of some we I remember back in the day, we used to just be like, yeah, and Hank Marty. I feel like JK Simmons is like the dad of all dads like you He just, he also just reminds me of my dad. My dad is bald, and like, wrinkles is eyebrow. Like, he's like, you'd be Nick. But but he's nice. I mean, he's funnier than my dad. Not nicer. He's funnier than my dad. Shake his. My dad is nice. Okay, we're gonna go on to let's do. Do you have any bad date stories? And usually I feel like most bad date stories come from dating apps, because it's like, totally up to date. But not necessarily. This, I thought long and hard. What I was gonna say during here, and I'm glad I looked it over. It took me a second to really think about this. But and this isn't necessarily a bad date. But this is like, you know, something bad happened from Dayton, a little learning experience for me. You know, a lot of times, I mean, this has been like, four years ago, I went on a bumble date with this girl, she was absolutely beautiful, super attractive. You know, we went out for drinks. It was all smiley, and super, you know, it was super good. You know, everything was great about it, you know, I was like, Oh my gosh, can we go on more dates, types and like that, it's gonna be great. And then, you know, a week later, I have no message tray, and we're gonna go out again or so. And, and she was like, well, like, I didn't get a response. And, you know, well, and so naturally, I'm just like, Oh, she ghosted me and in my head. You know, after that, you know, I've been ghosted plenty of time. So it's nothing new to me. But in my head here is like, the date went, Well, you know, what went wrong? And what was it because I thought everything was well, you know, then you start getting massages, and maybe she's a bitch, you know, this and that, you know, and then, and then I do that and mope about it for a couple of days. And life goes on. Oh, then afterwards, you know, about, I will say, it was like three weeks or two months later, you know, I passed by this GoFundMe. And turns out, she went, it was GoFundMe for her. She got a gnarly mountain climbing accident, like, literally four days after our date, she had been in the hospital this entire time. Damn. Like, like, like, it was bad. Like, she felt like yeah, like, 50 fee, you know, and she, you know, or her, her insurance has only been able to cover this amount, but she needs to stay at hospital because she's got these surgeries coming up. And like someone's written this for her because she's not in capacity to be able to do it herself, you know, and I felt like such a sick after reading that, you know, and I remember, I remember I messaged her later on, but I knew at the time was probably wasn't right. You know, especially, you know, I didn't send anything or think to her, thank God. Yeah, you know, because it's like, you know, there's some times, you know, you think that, you know, that's what my other voice saying is, you know, is like, like, you're gonna send this, like, No, I'm not you're because this scenario is like, yeah, I don't know, what they're going through. And that was really a wake up call for me after that, you know, because although I said all that shit in my head, you know, I was really like, what would happen if I just like, totally laid it out on table like that? Just come find out. She's been in a coma for the last three weeks, you know? That's bad. And yeah, and I felt I felt like shit for a long time after that. Yeah, I remember messaging her after that. And we never did go on our date again, because she, you know, she never really did fully recover from that incident. And, you know, but yeah, it was crazy. Yeah, that's insane. Now we're gonna go we'll do we're gonna do would you rather just, and these are just ones that I thought would be hard to. To answer. We're not going to do that many. Okay. Would you rather have police hunting you down for a crime you didn't commit? Or a silly serial killer actually hunting you? Okay, I'd actually probably have a serial killer hunting me but am I aware of the Silla killer hunting me? Yeah. So you know, you know about both? You're aware of it sounds awful as fuck but you know what, I don't want to go down as a bad piece of shit either. Yeah, the cops me down. You know, cuz I feel like it'd be like a Harrison Ford. You know, what is it? Like? Was that movie that he was in? Or the fusion? Yes. Yep. And I want to be accused of that sounds terrible. I'd rather have a serial killer actually kill me because it'd be like, well, Dylan was a bad guy. He just got murdered by a serial killer. You know? Why? Why did he go after him? Dylan was a hard working individually paid his taxes. It's like, you know, we're not going to wreck that monument to deal and by any means, but like, you know, I like I never I didn't think about that. About like, how your reputation would precede me in bed. Yeah, yeah. There's a amazing race that's on in 20 minutes, so we have to rent. No, it's fine. That will finish in time. But there's a guy that's on the New Amazing Race and he was in jail for 10 years for something he didn't do. And I, I couldn't do it. Yeah, but now he's an amazing race and he probably will win him and his partner very good. So should 10 years, or something he didn't do. I mean, that's why he saw an amazing race. He was like, he wasted 10 years of my life. Okay. What do you rather lose all your teeth or lose a day of your life every time you kiss someone? Every time I kiss someone, yeah. All right. Well, I'm not kissing a lot of people right now. But I do like kissing people. So in the in the off chance that my teeth fall out. Well, who would want to kiss me on my teeth? But I mean, there's technology that's true, but my teeth fall out. Like it doesn't say that you can't get fake teeth. All right, well, then I'm gonna let those teeth rock I'll get to new ones that but also get like a gold tooth somewhere I that's something I kind of want is a I want a gold tooth. But you know, I'm not anywhere close to rotting away any my friends. So I'd have to be like, check out my gold tooth. Yep, that's a very that's a very Sporty Spice thing to have a gold tooth. Oh, yeah, she she doesn't anymore. But when I had a Barbie, and she had a cold to fainted on her teeth. And as Barbie. She was really cool. I don't I don't know what happened. I still have my ginger spice because I never took her out of the packaging. But all my other ones are great. I can't pull off a gold tooth right now. But apparently it's like an extra $200 For versus like a normal. Like, oh, cat from the dentist. So it's just like, why not just pay $200? Yeah. I don't know it. But then again, it's like I'm not exactly the type of guy who goes screaming check out my like I have I have an implant and crown so I could have gotten that. But at the time, I was like, make it the cheapest, please. I'm just a regular everyday normal guy. Wouldn't be cool. It would be a bad kid. Yeah. That's a that's a statement. Having a gold tooth in your front teeth. It is. I don't know maybe one of these days. I'll have recently Get a gold tooth. We I feel like when you're old. Like come on. Do whenever you lost my eyesight. That's when it came to fruition. I was like well, maybe I can get a gold to to be a pirate. I got a bad I gotta go Tuesday. Now let's go around. Yeah. And then, you know, bring some substance, I guess. I don't know. Give it some flair. Yeah, you're giving yourself some flair. I know, this gold tooth has nothing to do with my butt. Okay, we're gonna move on to mixed segment. Second to last. We're going to talk about any green and red flags that you see on dating apps. We'll start with red flags, anything on people's profiles. This is what sucks. I rely on my, like girlfriends to show me their dating side of Bumble. So I can see what other guys post. Yeah. And it makes some guys get pretty creative. I'll give them that there's some of them out there as is pretty good. Maybe I should be like that. I've not seen I wouldn't say that's very wire. But I've also just seen like, just your friggin time now looking at me, your mom not looking to meet your dad, you know, type stuff. And I'm just like, Lord, you know, do you have any like luck, man? Like, you know, if you're finding what you're looking for, then more props to you. But that's usually not a good way to start. No conversation with a stranger, you know? Yeah, yeah, I don't know. But I don't know. Some of the profiles I've seen are like, you know, a lot. Of course, a lot of times you get that, you know, if you lean left, swipe left. If you read swipe left, you know, I really don't give a shit. Like you know, I'm definitely not a you know, big old Trump fanatic type dude, I think he's a fucking asshole. Definitely. Yeah, you know, I'm not gonna make it about politics. Yeah, I can have relationships and friendly relationships with people that are completely on the other side of the political spectrum than me. Yeah, but, but I don't know that kind of drives me nuts. It's like it's like a non starter. It's like I don't Anything to do with if you like this motherfucker, then yeah, you know, I whatever there but then like what, what else is there? Or it's like, you know, a lot of things I was really worried about too with profiles is a lot of times people were so like added mental about their, you know, I went to this school and got this education if you don't meet these fucking standards, well you know what to do? And it's just like like I'm definitely not a lawyer or a congressman I guess so I'll just go ahead and like, you know, bother. There's like an app, that's like a dating app. I think it's called RIAA. Like, get off like Ryan's like for people who really care about like, status like lawyer shit, like get get off of here go for a ride. Or, or my favorite thing is like, they have a Bumble and they're and you know, like, and they're like suit like, they're they obviously have like super gorgeous supermodel like photos of them and hardly on here, go to my app on my Instagram. And it's like, oh, shit, even bother. Like, I instantly swipe right. It's like, like, like, first off? No, I'm not gonna hit you up on Instagram. Like, I'm not gonna give you that, that you're seeking. If you want to talk to me, you can talk to me on here, but you're not going to swipe right? Yeah, yeah. Which might give me I might be, I don't know, there's guys who will be like, I'm never on here. So DM, I'm like, these people and they're always like gym bros, like people who are trying to get like, Instagram followers, which, I mean, if that's how they're getting all power, you know, a lot of my buddies that are the they're the most like, you know, chimp type people I know of. But they have no sense of being like wanting to market themselves on social media, even though they they definitely could. They are capabilities and stuff, you know, they just don't want that kind of attention. Or maybe the time consuming, like not, that's my biggest issue. I haven't updated my Instagram and like, two or three years. Now that is I feel a lot of things I feel like it's just like, I don't know, my life is the same bullshit. You know, I go to school, I go to work. You know, I you know, especially special circumstances, like my last photo was my buddies. You know, was that dude photo of all the dudes together? Yeah, that's Mike's bachelor party. And yeah, so it's like, mostly for moments that I'm like, you know, this one for the books. I wanna remember this. Yeah, I can throw my Instagram to my kids, you know? Yeah. 1020 30 years from now and see, like, this was shit that mattered to me. Most apparently. I guess. Yeah. Yeah. I felt like it. So I don't know. Yeah, but but no hate on people who use their Instagram or social media to market themselves. So now like I saying is it okay? Um, yeah, I feel like great use it that, I guess use Bumble for that. But yeah, that's not what you're looking for personally. So you got it. You got us. I've been away. But But nothing. You You ladies put up with a lot of shit. So freak, you can do this. There's some fun freaks out there. There are but it's, I mean, at this point, it's just funny to me. And I talk about them on social media. When girls hit me up on Bumble, and they're like, yeah, and I'll say something along the lines of, hey, I want to bang you. Uh, you know, I'm usually I'm usually like, you know, I'm flattered. I am. But you know, would you like to go to dinner first. I know, it's weird, because I just can't imagine myself just being like, hey, let's fly. Let's, let's do this. Let's do this shit. Yeah. But I don't think any. Well, I'm sure someone has. I'm not very good at picking up on that stuff. So I feel like people have insinuated that to me. And then I just like, don't acknowledge, you know, it's funny. I was I was more nervous to come on here and do a podcast dating thing than I would be in like, meeting up in real life. But now I'm like, now it's like normal now. So it's like, yeah, I feel like well, it sounds intimidating from like, I've had people who like have agreed to it and then they're like, No, I can't do it. I'm too. And I'm like, it's not I'm not mean. Yeah, I get to stay at home. It's two birds. One stone. Perfect. Okay, how about any green flag? Anything that you're like, immediately? Yes. When someone, actually like I do read bios, I know a lot of people don't think we read. I do read bios. Yes. Yeah. I like seeing that's what sucks. I want spy to spy so people can see my measles. Yeah. Because I love going through and seeing people's news cuz I feel like that's actually my starters. I'll go to the Bible. Like, what do you listen? Yeah, but yeah, yep. And then I'll like, you know, Judge mentally, like, based on the the action of my swipe off that, you know, but I don't know, I like the way it talks about music, you know, if they have a good deep conversation about music, or, you know, I also like them talking about their interests. You know, I get really excited when someone really gets into their interest with me, and they're just so excited to talk about it. They can't hold it in. I know I shit. Yeah. And, and so I don't know, I like that, you know, I like, you know, if they, they're pretty upfront me know, because I swear like a sailor, you know, if they swear like a sailor shit, we're gonna get along just fine. Right? You know, or, I don't know. But but that's funny. Like, because, you know, I can say all these green flags. You know, you know, there's tons of green flags. You know, cuz like, you never see the good green flags. You know, you're always just looking for the red flags or? Yeah. Okay. So I feel like I have two questions. I asked people, one for people that don't know me at all. And then one for people who know me, and I feel like, because, you know, we, so we don't know each other. I'm going to ask you the one that I asked people who know me, okay, so my mom and sister. Both believe that if I were to meet Harry Styles, in real life, I could make him fall in love with me. Do you agree? or disagree? I'm going to have to disagree. But but that's a minor thing to say. You know, like a very like, I do you love hairstyles. Do you want to marry herself? Yeah, well, I don't think I would be good at that. No, what you might be able to get a kiss out of them. Just be like, Harry. Listen, let's do let please Lex. I'm a great kisser. You know, you you like I'm sure you're a great kisser. I'm a great kisser. We do. Great. Let's just get this over with and kiss. I'm sure he said I'd be like, okay, yeah. That would be that would be enough. For me. That would be very achievable goal, you know? Yeah. So I feel like I would just want to marry him. Well, he's probably a great person, but he just has a really good wardrobe too. Yeah, I just want to steal his clothes. I never really listened to a lot of Harry Styles. But you know, he's, you know, he's beautiful. And Harry Styles is a beautiful man. I thought that I had beef with him. For Don't worry, darling wages. But that's all speculation. We won't know until we hear from Florence Pugh herself. Anyways, wanna hear something? Crazy? I recorded this. And I set out the release date for each episode before the gorillas even announced that they were coming here. And as it turns out, this episode is going to be released the week before the gorillas come. What are the chances of that happening? I don't know. Maybe this means that David Melbourne is gonna see me from the stage. It's gonna pull me up there and be like, marry me. I don't know what I would want from that situation. Be my backup dancer. Or with me? I really okay cool. Sounds good to me. Anyways, do you want to follow our social media? You know what to do? We'll get up in the description because I don't feel like saying it tonight. And see you next time.