Internet Stranger Donovan

On this week's episode we talk to the hilarious internet stranger Donovan about the most amazing dick pick story I've ever heard in my life, but we also get deep (can you tell I'm bad at having deep conversations? Listen to find out.)
Sound supervisor (and all things sound oriented) B.T. Measles. 
Please check out our social media:
@pursuitofappinesspodcast Instagram
@pursuitofappiness TikTok
@poa_pod Twitter

Transcript

Unknown: 0:04

Hello and welcome to another episode of pursuit of happiness. Today we're gonna talk to the internet stranger Donovan, and we'll talk about a little bit of rock climbing, and also having a cat butthole. As a knows, stay tuned All right, I think we're ready. Donovan. Hello. We're gonna just jump in with the icebreaker. And then we'll go from there. Are you ready? Hit it. Okay. Have you ever sent a dick pic? Oh, man. Yes, absolutely. You like, unsolicited, or? This was like, lady I had been seeing a while ago. She was like, stuck at a bar next to her ex and his new girlfriend. So it was like a pretty hard flex on her part. So she was like, yo, hey, can you do me a solid? And I was like, Yeah, sure. Wait. And so she did. She had her phone face up on the bar, x or x. And just like, you know, dick pic pops up. Wow. But you're I mean, yeah, that's great that you were not ashamed. I guess it probably didn't have your face in it. I don't actually remember. Yeah, I mean, it really doesn't matter. I mean, you know, we've all been in those situations where you're like, sitting next to your ex and you're like, Man, I wish I just had a smaller dick pic to send right now. That's exactly what I think I would definitely be like, Okay, I need you. Yeah, yeah. Okay, cool. I'm glad you were honest with me. You know, some I think people are lying to me. But I'm glad. Okay, now we're great. Sorry. Yes, we know. But I mean, I feel like that's a situation that calls for it was an unsolicited. So you're, you're in the clear. Okay. So now I'm going to ask you some questions that I find helpful to get to know you as a person. So the first question is, do you have a favorite movie and what is it? Oh. Favorite movie? Actually don't know. I could tell you my favorite book, but maybe not my favorite movie. So what's your favorite book? Let's do favorite book then. It's called the hike by Drew McGarry. Okay. It's like a just whimsical little Odyssey. And I just I've never had a book bring me to tears unexpectedly like that. I cry all the time. You know, I just spent the last 30 minutes mashing up Taylor Swift's all too well with advanced Joyce on my piano. So that sounds amazing. So yeah, that's my favorite book. Favorite Movies. Cheese and crackers. Or what's the last movie you watched? And did you like it? I watched don't look up recently with my cat and I really liked it. Oh, you did? Okay. I've heard I hang out with a lot of film people. And it's very mixed reviews. So I don't know. I should watch it myself. Sure. You know, if we want to dissect it like we're gonna film a culture studies class. Yeah, you know, we can. No, we don't need to. I don't I haven't seen it. So I need to watch it and think about it myself. Okay, favorite. I mean, we know a little bit about your music. Do you have a favorite band? Or what was your top Spotify playlist if you have Spotify? Oh, you know, I think my top Spotify like artists was Jean Dawson. And then he just released a single called menthol in like, December. And it's just super fun. I don't know who that is. So what kind of music math rock. Like, it's a it's, you could hear maybe he was like in his apartment by himself, like making a bunch of drum beats and then just, you know, overdubbing 16 tracks and it's pretty cool. Studio and that's really good. Okay, well, that didn't teach me anything about you, but that's okay. Well, and then also obviously, I don't know. Obviously Taylor Swift's Yeah, yes. I listened to the 10 Minute if the 10 Minute versions. And I mean, I don't know what the other version sounds like. It was good. And fuck Jake Gyllenhaal. Yeah. So, yeah, okay, perfect. What? What's your job if you feel like telling us? So I work in exam security. So high stakes exam security, particularly for like tech companies and like medical companies and stuff. So if you're like, if you need to get a badge for like, a software development gig for probably take one of our Okay, protecting the big peeps. Okay, this is, this is our last question. And if you are like, I'm not telling you unless you tell me then I will. I have lots of these prepared. What's wrong with you? And you can interpret this in any way you want. It could be dating or like, just you, your every day. My it's my the thing that's wrong with me is also my greatest strength. Yes, I'm great at suffering in silence. I don't often ask for help until it's too late. And I seemingly Yeah, have previously settled in relationships and given a lot without reciprocating, and, yeah, it's like, you want to tether you know, tandem to pull equal on a relationship? Yeah, we learned anything from the classic Jane Eyre, you gotta be you gotta be equal before he can succeed. You know, Mr. Rochester had to be blind, and his hand cut off for them to be successful. So do you want me to share what's wrong with me? Will that make you feel? Or do you? If you don't care? I'm fine with not. I would like to hear what's wrong with you mostly. So that potentially this podcast will pass the Bechdel Test? Oh, okay. Yes, yes. I know what that is because someone wants, I write screenplays and someone asked me if it my script, passed the Bechdel test what you did, but they're just being a dick. What's wrong with me is that I really like being alone. And so I don't settle at all. Like, if you're not exactly what I want that I'm like, Get out of my face, which is probably not great. Like, in my mind, I'm like, oh, yeah, I definitely am going to marry my favorite comedian James a caster. And if I don't, then I will. You know, live with my four cats and be happy. So I'm sorry. Did you say four cats? I do have four cats. Yeah. Well, this isn't fun. Great. Hey, Mark. Hey, you know what? It's okay. I do know some people I do sometimes ask on this podcast. What is the unattractive amount of cats? Like? At what point is it? There's there's no there's no limit? To the amount of cats you should have. Wait, so you're saying you it doesn't matter? It's attractive to have cats or unattractive? To have any? Okay. I fucking love cats. I've got a tattoo. Oh, my cat in my dog. Yeah, animals are great. People suck. Okay, perfect. Cool. And I like that answer more than everybody else's. Okay. Good job. We're doing good. Oh, no, where did my Oh, I'm holding it. Okay, so now we're gonna go to the over generalized questions about men. So basically, what's gonna happen is you are answering on behalf of the billions of Mad Men across the world. So think about this when you're answering to be minimally qualified candidate when it comes to Yes, Y chromosomes. Yes. Okay. Okay, so I have no cards. And I just want to say that I got some of these from internet some of these from social media and some of these are from my my own brain, but they sack full blame it not on me. Okay, let's see. This is actually hilarious because we already talked about this. Do men ever cry or are you all faking it? I mean, you know, Marta, my mom died my dog died my relationship died my house and one of the cars and I had to move back to my home city. And I spent two straight months crying every day so okay, never cry. We never cracked Nope. Okay. Okay. Yeah, it was like you were faking it. You weren't feeling feelings. It was like, Yeah, fake. Yeah, fake tears everywhere. You used to have feelings when you were like a kid. Yeah, yeah. I mean, us ladies speaking on behalf of all women, we cry all the time. I'm crying right now. You just can't see it. I'm, I've learned to suck it back in. But yeah, okay. That was a great answer. Thank you. We're gonna do two more of these. We're supposed to answer for myself or for all men because I can't offer Amen. You're speaking on behalf of all men. On behalf of all men in the world. Yes, we cry, but only during Hallmark commercials and sports metaphors. Oh, yeah. Okay. Beautiful. Beautiful. Okay. Next question. Okay, why dad jokes? Why dad jokes. I actually prefer reverse dad jokes. Child jokes, reverse dad jokes. So like, instead of like, you know, dad jokes like, Hey, I've got a, you know, a joke with this about pizza. But you know, I know. It's too cheesy. I don't want to tell you. That's that's kind of lame. I prefer the dad joke. You, like are actually talking about someone's dad. And you'll be like, you know, instead of like your mom jokes, it's like your dad jokes like, Hey, tell your dad to cool out next time? Yeah, yeah. That's great. Are those? Okay, perfect. Yeah, I think that I mean, I think this is a thing that's on the apps. And I just, I think that it's probably just not funny people. And they know women like jokes. And they're like, I can always count on that good old dad jokes. It's not supposed to be funny. About neither, who knows. Okay, last one. Oh, okay. This one I didn't write. It's kind of like, what is the mask? What is with the masculine urge to leave the toilet seat up? I'm really glad you asked this actually. Okay. I don't think this stems from any, you know, masculine urge or, you know, subconscious thing that men do actually think that there's this compromise that hasn't ever been met. What it is, is that the toilet seat shouldn't be left up, nor should just the seat be down. In fact, the only right answer is that the ledge be closed at all times. And if that solution isn't being met, then I don't think there's a compromise that should be willing to be accepted. I agree with that. Because I also have, I mean, we've talked about my forecasts, and they just we'll get right in there and make the toilet seat wet. So it's, it should be closed at all times. Yeah. On that note, as well, speaking on behalf of all men. Yeah, I have a anecdote about that scenario. So one of my best friends, and I were at the climbing gym one time, and this particular climbing gym has, I think it still has, like, you know, open gender bathrooms, where you walk in, and there's like a urinal in there. And, you know, it's just a single stall. So there's a urinal, and then there's a toilet, right? And, you know, so he went in, took a pee and then came out. And then there was like a lady waiting for him to get out of the bathroom. She goes in and she comes out. And we're like, chatting, whatever, maybe going to climb out and out. And she comes up to him and calls him out. And she's like, wait a wait to leave the seat up like that seriously, like, you can't like you piss all over the seat. And she just like really call them out super hard. And he was like, wait, no, what are you talking about? I use the urinal. And yeah, she like was just willing to die on that hill. And so there was like, probably some residual angst to this masculine urge that made her call out an individual who wasn't actually the perpetrator of this issue. So um, so watch, watch. Yeah. Watch who you're dealing with. Because some of us I don't know, I think I was looking at the toilet before I sit down. That's just me. Some people don't do that. So they fall right in. Yeah. Especially in a public place. That's wild. Exactly. So there you have it on behalf of all men. Unless we're all putting the lid down. Yeah. Nothing is sacred. Yep. Okay. Beautiful, beautiful job. Kane. Now we're moving on this actually this. We're moving on to your profile and this. So basically What I'm gonna do is I'm going to tell you why I think you posted these pictures or responded to these prompts. And then you can tell me why you really did it. So, the first thing, I'm glad, so I need to move this closer to my face. Okay, so there are two rock climbing photos. And I'm thinking that you posted this because it's telling women that you have strong fingers. And I know that sounds sexual. But I really like I don't. Well, you do, like fingers like thick? Rock climbing? What is that? What that? Is that a real thing? Yeah, so your, your tendons get super thick. Wow. Pittsburgh steel. When it's like 40 I cannot believe that. I nobody is gonna be able to see this. Your hands. Your hands look really strong. That's insane. So it does make so your tenant I was gonna say like, I don't know if there's muscles in there. I just know that when I've tried to rock climb. My fingers like feel like they're chalk. Like, it doesn't feel good. So I don't do it. Like they're squeaky I don't know what it is. I mean, I understand that. I've got like a filing block that I sit here and fall down my skin all day long at my desk, so okay. Yeah, those calloused hands? Gotta get rid of them. No, I think I think sorry, my cat spit me. Okay, so why did so? Yeah. Explain why you posted those if, if not to tell women you have really thick fingers. Oh, I just posted that. Because what I like to do in my free time is climbing. I specifically just like I don't even know I just like training for climbing to like I'm a trainee AK. Yeah. Sometimes all like training more than I like climbing. But I think it's just important to say what you want, you know, whether it's subliminally or not. Yeah, and I've done the thing where I've been with a mountain climber. And with a climber, Ben was somebody who was like, oh, yeah, I'm gonna like reel him in just enough and then be like, oh, sorry, I don't actually not really into that. So definitively. I would like to meet a climber. Who know, maybe you I'm guessing you've seen that? Alex Honnold. Doc, have you? Yeah. His girlfriend. Now wife broke his back. So do you really? Are you sure that's what you want somebody? Yeah, I mean, it's, you know? Really? Okay, cool. Yeah. So the, there's a video of something crazy happening on a rock face what happened there, big old boulder fell from the side of the cliff. So that's, that's me, cleaning a rock climbing route that I was developing. So I could like give it back to the community. Okay. So we have to think like when, when we show up to these rock climbing areas, somebody had to put the equipment in the fixed hardware in the wall. And it's not like this thing that's like supported or state run or funded. So it's actually just all like passion projects from climbers who love climbing so much that they'll equip a route with hardware. And it stands the test of time. However, you know, most rock isn't perfect. So you end up just kind of polishing up a turd. And you never want something to kill somebody. So yeah, take that. Cut that off. So that was purposeful falling, then, yeah, okay. Okay. And has anyone like known? Has anyone looked at your profile and was like, thank you for doing that for us climbers? No, I actually think climbing is a pretty self serving activity. I've met a lot of climbers who will actively be like, Oh, I could develop a route. I just don't want to and I'm like, it's it's sort of being like, I could pass the bar. I just don't want Yeah, it's like, Okay. Kay Bragg, much. Why would you say that? Yeah. So, I've never, I've never received anything for accolades. It's just something I like to do. And in fact, on that route. I did. melted. Because it was just when the pandemic had started. And my grandfather just died. And none of us were able to say goodbye to him. And we didn't get to have like a farewell ceremony or anything. So actually named that route the farewell. And it's seemingly apropos. Well, that's cool. Wow, I didn't know any of this. So learn something new from you. Okay. So, here, this has to do with your prompts. Because there are a lot of Charlie from Sunny in Philadelphia. There's a lot of references to them. And I'm thinking that it's you telling women that you are willing to smash rats with a bat with you know, screws in them, you know, so you're telling women with your Charlie Day? Wow, well huffing glue? Yes, Marta? Yes. Yeah. Okay. That's, that's hot. That's what I don't you know, honestly, I just think it's like, some of these prompts to make me die inside a little bit. Yeah. Yeah. And, you know, I understand that they can't have like an open interface, where you can just put whatever, so cutesy and it has to, like, you know, go with their brand. And I don't know, like, I'm very new to dating. So it's also something where I'm like, gosh, you put something and I don't want to be like, I don't want to be disingenuous, and and I feel like something that I've always identified with is when Charlie says, I think you'll find that I'm a pretty sweet deal. And yeah, that's sort of how I feel. And that's how like all my lady friends, they're like, in your really sweet deal. So I'm just like, okay, better less. I know my Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, that's, that's great. I in college, I was at a critical thinking class, and I wrote a whole paper using Charlie's, you know, how they make Charlie's dream book. And they kind of have to like, guess what each thing is, I use that in a paper and I got a B plus. So no, I thought that was pretty impressive. I haven't put that on the apps, because obviously, I use music for podcast reasons. But maybe if I ever decide to actually use it for its purpose, I'll use that. Fantastic. I really are. You should have gotten a i Yeah, it was a really hard class. But I honestly thought I was not going to do well, because it was a really hard class. But I was Yeah. I was really impressed with myself. I wish I could find it. I don't know where it is. So long time ago. If you find it, will you send it to me? Yeah, hell yeah. Well, it's probably good. It's like, I don't know. I was like, 23 or something. So who knows? Okay. Great. Next. Oh, this is a follow up. Follow up on the It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia. References. Is it referring to how it's the longest running live action sitcom? And you are also in it for the long run? Oh, that was a dad joke. No. Good. It was more like, I know, facts about it. So it's sunny. Out of that need to Yeah, I really, I honestly, too, it's just like, sort of this bonus thing where I think people understand the Yeah, you know, we might like riff a little bit, you know, yeah, I think they're, I think if you have some sort of sitcom in your profile, and the person knows, it doesn't have to Google it, like, you're gonna already have something to talk about. So I think it's a good idea. So good job. Okay, this is this is one that I literally am going to ask everyone who has it are men contractually obligated to have a formal picture on their profile to show that they look good at weddings, so people can take them as dates? Because I think men don't take pictures of themselves that much. And I feel like every one has a picture of them as well. I don't know. Because I feel like I got friends who are like very talented photographers. And so yeah, I have tons of photos of myself. But most of them are just like climbing and most of them are me without a shirt on. I couldn't Yeah, that's. So people do. Yeah, man. You know, like, I love my body and like Adnani Dude, he's just it's just like existence, right? Like, we're so it doesn't bother me and I'm like, oh, you know, I love my body. I think it's really great. And I think everybody should have that relationship with their body. Yeah, I understand that's not the case. So that off that tangent though. I that's also just a nice picture of me and no, I I also love dressing up, I work from home but all dressed up like a super hot like history professor every single day, even though I don't see anyone. So it was just also this thing where it's like, Hey, I, you know, I don't know. I love wearing suits. And yeah, even like my friend. She's got COVID right now, but she was like, oh, you know, when I'm better, like, let's go. You know, like, like, Let's go dancing or something or like to the ballet. And I was like, Yes, I just wanted an excuse to dress up. So I think we should have something where it's like, oh, we can clean up I guess. But yeah, maybe. And you also are dancing. In one of them. It's like, shows that you know how to move inside those those formal clothes, which is great. I think most guys are afraid to dance. That's what I've learned over the years. Because I people have invited me to their weddings to start dance parties. I am. will dance no matter what. So I don't know. I think I had a prompt for a while that was like, Yo, let me be like the ringer at your holiday party. Yeah, and nobody would ever ever pit. I love dancing too. I I was like the the weird kid who like you know, had funny hair and stuff. And like, took dance classes in like middle school in high school. And everybody would call me like gay and like, you know, the F word and whatever. And I would purposely just, like lean into it were like a full leotard with a turtleneck. And so maybe I'm not the target demographic for this. No, I think I also in high school, I would go to dances and I would dress up like, not in formal clothes. And me and my friends would like dance across, like the whole entire gym, or wherever it is, wherever it was, and people thought we were weird. And it was awesome. I think that's how you should live your teenage years is just, you know, being as weird as possible, seeing if it fits. So, good job again. Okay. There's this one. I pre apologize for. I said, I was gonna say every question I had about a profile, and I thought it was funny. Anyways, I'm just gonna say it is the photo with the cat to insinuate that you like pussy? I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Well, I mean, okay, I think that, you know, men probably have a healthy respect for the female anatomy. However, I've I've been hearing that that's actually not true. Apparently men need to become much more literate. And understand that if asked if you finished that you probably didn't finish so yep. Yep. That's having like girlfriends, and like gay friends. While I'm like navigating this single space for the first five years. Yes, but No, that's actually just my cat. The wee baby Ramos. Though he's got one good eye and you can do things with those one good eye that will make you forget about how big of a piece of shit his dad is. That's, that's adorable. Is he named after the musician? No, it's actually named after one of my favorite characters in my favorite sci fi novel series. What's what is it? That's called the expanse. So it's like an Amazon show, but I doing it years ago and love it just finished the final book. But one of the characters is named Amos Burton. So Amos is Amos curtain. And the cat pawn and he also, you know, he had a rough life. He only has like one guy. And when they found him, he was really sick and skinny and they thought he was gonna lose his eyes. So yeah, just so he was like, he was super gross. And nobody was gonna adopt him. And I was like, That's my cat. Like, that's, that's who I want. That's like, My cat is a huge asshole. And my mom was gonna put her like, put her up for adoption because she couldn't have animals in her apartment at the time and I was like, nobody will adopt her. She's such a bitch. But I still have her She's an old lady. She's thinks 17 years old. Still jump in. All right, let's move on to do you have it doesn't necessarily have to be a app bad date story, just a bad date story because I from what? I just men think that they've been on bad dates. And I just want to see if that's true because I think of all the day bad date stories. It's always women have it worse, but I want to see, let's hear it. Let's hear this. A bad date story from you. Oh, yeah. So Marta, I'm definitely you know, you know, I used to be dating app. And but yeah, so I don't actually have any bad day stories from the dating app. But I do have a pretty okay, bad date story. Let's hear. So I used to work at a bar downtown in downtown Salt Lake. And I think I was working at the bar at the time. There's like a bar and a sister restaurant anyway, one of the other bartenders had like a girlfriend come in, and the bartender, she was gay. And her girlfriend was just like, you know, super cute. And we were just chatting while her other friend was like, busy. And I was like, oh, man, she's nice. And then my friend was like, oh, you should ask her out. So it's like, Hey, I'm actually getting off soon. I'm, you know, before going home, I was going to pop over to this bar and just have a couple of drinks. Like, just chill out. You know, would you like to meet there? And she was like, and I was like, Would you like to meet, you know, at like, whatever, at this time. And she was like, Yeah, that would be great. And then she gave me her phone number. And I was like, sweet, this is awesome. I shot my shot. I'm sitting. Meanwhile, I'm like, just dying inside nervous. So went to the bar at the aforementioned time, and waited about 15 minutes, she didn't show up. So then I ordered a drink. And drink it in maybe like another 15 minutes past. She doesn't show up. Wait, like 10 more minutes, have another drink. And I was trying to play cool. So I wasn't like blowing her phone up. And I had another drink after that, and probably had been like the span of an hour. And then I asked my best friend and like, we're I just moved back to Salt Lake at the time. And I saw I was like, actually living with him. Last time I ever had roommates. Yeah, like eight years ago. And so my roommates slash best friend came down to the bar and rallied like he was with our other roommate. And they came to like, rescue me out of my sorrows. Yeah. And I was probably about three drinks and at that point, and then they show up, have another drink. And I'm kind of a little dude. So like, two drinks gets me pretty bust. So yeah, anymore. Yeah. So I was like, pretty much like, wasted. And my friends have been there, and we're all hanging up. And then at eight o'clock, she shows up. Apparently, I got the time wrong. So I think I was like, allowed Barnes. I was like, Hey, you're me at this time. She's like, Yeah, it would be great. And that was a great, you know, and I think yeah, are great in that I heard this time. So she shows up, and I'm basically hammered drunk. And yeah, it was super rough, because I still tried to, like, have this date with my few friends. And then, like, I just felt so bad, you know, because she was actually like, really cool and cute. Yeah, like, oh, man, this is this person I could definitely vibe with. And I just remember she went to the bathroom. And my buddy grabs me by like the collar and he shakes me and he's like, You need to get your shit together. And she left shortly thereafter and never called or texted again. Yeah. So I was the bad date, March. Yeah, I actually have a very similar story, where I thought I was going on date with this guy. And he shows up with his very drunk roommate who was really sad and started crying. And then he kept on talking about how he hated like, people to touch him or like physical touch or anything. And then at the end, it was like a snowy snowstorm outside and I was like, I can't hug this guy that I like, who obviously doesn't like me, because he brought his drunk crying roommate. And then I ran across the street and I pulled my groin muscle and I was the worst thing ever. But I ended up dating that guy. He just weirdly brought his roommate for some reason to our date. I had never explained that. It's just that they were like best buds. And well, I don't really talk to him anymore, so I can't, but I was like, Yeah, I really I want 100% pilot you didn't like me. It's like when you were cross running away from the situation crossing the street. That's when I knew that like I really liked you. Because I was running away from you. And he's like, Yeah, my cool because I pulled a muscle that still to this day isn't fully recovered, but whatever. Yeah, so I think it's usually guys who make it. Not great. But yeah, I mean, at least you know, at least you know that it was your fault. That's I felt like, Oh, for sure. Yeah. I mean, I just Scotland if you're listening I'm sorry. Yeah. Like cringe and my friends will always bring it up and make fun of me for it. So that's okay you live you learn you make sure to check the correct time. i That's something I would do too, because I am bad with scheduling things. Okay, now we're gonna go on to would you rather as which I have a book, and I picked the best ones that I think that are actually hard. So I'm going to just pick a random one. Okay. Would you rather know how you're going to die or when you're going to die? I would either I mean, death doesn't really bother me. So I would want to know when? Probably most people's answer. Probably because then you kind of have to have like he'll have a timeframe. You know? How much time you have left? Yeah. Okay. Now my turn. Marta. Would you rather every time you have an orgasm you shit yourself. Or every time you have an orgasm. You just you know, it's been Mario from like Mario 64. Obviously, Mario that's close to my name, too. So, like, I like the bad Italian accent 100% It's what I would do. I hate poop. Myself. The worst? I don't know. I feel like that. Someone would expect that from me. I would think sorry. That was just off the cuff. Yeah, no, I'm glad you I'm glad that you felt that. You could ask me that. Thank you. Okay. Would you rather talk like Yoda or breathe like Darth Vader? breed like Darth Vader? No question. Why? I mean, I've broken my nose a couple of times, which is why it looks like this. So sometimes I probably read like Darth Vader anyways, and I don't know. What How did you break your nose? Oh, which time? Whichever one was the most exciting story. My neck skiing and then I broke in half and broke my nose on my knee. So that was one time. Super bleep bloody and everybody thought I was like, crying because were you not crying? No, I was crying because of my broke back. Oh, I Yeah, that sounds terrible. How does it feel just like the worst pain and in the world to break your back. It wasn't great. Than then breaking my nose and everything else but you know? Yeah, just sucked. It was actually a pretty bad break. And then I had did like spend a lot of time rehabbing and really learning how to like walk and be in a walker and stuff. Yikes. Yeah, I have scoliosis so my back hurts all the time, but maybe breaking it would fix a little book that I have to put like a rod in there. Make it straight? I don't know. Okay, next question. Final would you rather would you rather be in a zombie apocalypse or a robot apocalypse? Pass? Give me a better one. Okay, would you rather lose all your teeth? Or lose a day of your life every time you kiss someone? day of my life every time I kiss someone. But if you lost all your teeth, you could just get fake once. Yeah, what's the fun in that? It's like a pretty solid Kevorkian method. In my opinion, you know? I could do you just you just are like, Okay, I really am trying to die. But by the time I'm 72 and a half. Have fun while doing it. Right? Exactly. Yeah. Okay, Marta, would you rather have a cat butthole for a nose or a cat for a nose? I get an entire cat like an elephant trunk cat like situation or a cat butthole and like we're talking like a cat but like it sounds Have your nose depends on like, is this cat a separate personality from myself? Or is it okay? It's a cat. And what kind of temperament does this cat have? Wildcard just like any cat? Oh, fuck, probably cat butthole I know it's not nice to look at, but maybe I couldn't figure out a makeup situation it would just like look like either way, I'm looking real crazy. So can I like do I shit out of my nose now? Yeah, every time you sneeze you should? Actually, or is that look like is it my snot? That's like my question. Yeah, it's snit Sasha. Okay. Okay, well, I'll deal with that. At least I'm not like getting my eyes scratched out like because well, if I had a cat for knows, they probably get really pissed off at me and just scratch me all the time. And I've just been endless pain. And I don't want that for my life. I'd rather sneeze shits. That's That's my decision. So I've just what I'm hearing is that I should be writing or would you rather say no. I mean, if you want if you want to send me some I'm not saying what the questions about men. My social media have come up with really lame stuff. Sorry, followers, but you got to be better at it. So if you if you want to please send them to me. Oh, okay. We're moving on to dating do's and don'ts. And by this I actually mean, what is a profile red flag for you like seeing? Yeah. On a woman's profile. The misuse? I mean, just like the word Oh, yeah, misuse of grammar. But actually, the word adventure is just like, egregiously misused. And it just, I immediately am just, I die inside. What is What does what's the qualification? Like? When can a woman call herself an adventure? I think if you're associating adventure with your everyday life, and by definition, that is not an adventure. Yeah, that's true. So, you know, everyone's like, Oh, weekends, go on adventures all the time. Like, whoa, I'm like, that's cool. You know, it actually should be like, unusual and typically extremely hazardous. Or, you know, the stakes are high. So I just Yeah, unless you're like summiting Everest or something. Or like going exploring with like, you know, two pesos in Mexico and like, yeah, don't even have any. All you have is jean shorts and a tube top or, you know, crop tops. You're not really adventuring. Yeah, I agree with that. I actually haven't seen too many adventures so far. But I actually am mostly waiting for people to contact me because people have gotten mad at me for using Hinch as a podcast source. So that's been real. Any? Yeah, they get very, it's mostly like, so I made my, like, age range pretty, like, you know, the young and older. As always, like guys over 40 that got really pissed off that you're trying to use it, but I mean, they're probably frustrated, but be nice. Like, it's just ignore me. Not that hard. Yeah. Um, any other red flags? If you look like you're just I know a Karen Yeah, yeah. Yep. That I mean, I feel like people when they fell out there, if they're truly care, and they're gonna be like, conservative Christian, I would think they're not trying to hide. Yeah. If there's like somebody who is like, seemingly, like, if they're like holding, you know, alcoholic beverages in any photo, or like, you know, you're just like, Oh, that's cool. Yeah, I mean, you know, I'm an adult, too. I can drink, but it's sort of just like, sets the bar lower, you know? Yeah. My friend sent me a video of a woman. I don't really understand it. He only sent me a picture of it. But she was laying on the ground and she was taking, like a shot from her friend's boobs, but I don't understand this somehow the Alcoa Hall was All in between her friend's boobs into her mouth while she was laying down. I was like, that's weird to post on your dating app. But you know what? Some people probably that's what they want. So good for them. You know, final final red flag. Yes. Any time there's a link to their social media profile. Oh, yeah. As somebody who's diehard, no social media. I just feel like it's just followers. They just want to probably pretty solipsistic individuals. Yeah. I feel like the weird thing is Snapchat. But maybe that's because I'm 31. And I just am like, I that's too that's such a strange, weird social media that I don't understand. And I don't know. That's really what gets me. Yeah, that's where you like, you would probably definitely send a bunch of dick pics and just Yeah, that's what it was made for. So I don't trust nobody. That's what Snapchat was originally for, like, nudes that disappear. So now they've expanded. They are like a news source. I've heard I don't know. I I shouldn't be saying that because I really I don't have it. So that's yeah. Okay, so let's hear about like, is there anything that you see that you're like? Hell yeah. match with me please. green flags. When somebody definitely like looks like they actually rock climbing don't just like climb one set up birthday party or a consignor or something? Yeah. Yeah, I, that's sort of like just I'm fine. Not dating, climbers, you know. But if you're going to be like, be serious, you're going to need to climb. So for me just having like, competency and the same drive. Yeah. I feel like you can tell with like, women. Rock climbers, they always are really strong. You can like their arms are stronger than most women. I guess. I don't know. Whatever this muscle is. That's like under your, your lat Yeah, they have really, I'm jealous. But I do not have. Yeah, my fingers do not like climbing. I have to do that in other way. I have to form that muscle and other ways. Yeah. Anything any other green flags are like, yeah. When they seem intellectual using proper grammar, and also if they have pursuits similar to my own outside climbing, because climbing is very small spectrum of my life. Yeah. I am the archetypal anti social extrovert. So I do have socialization skills, and they benefit me Well, in my job. However, I also per separate, so even after this podcast, I'm going to think about all the dumb things I said, wake up at four in the morning and die inside. And so I like actually need to recharge after socializing. So I feel that 100 Because I've been on other people's podcasts, and I just like, I have to listen to it because I'm like, What did i What's the dumb thing that I said, and then someone, like, made a fake account and made a hate video of me. So now I'm extra. They were named like Gustavo the turtle. Okay. Thank you. It was like, five, six years ago. And it was because I said something about feminism. And they were mad that I think feminism is good. So yeah, an extra we'll see if anybody makes any hate videos about this podcast. It's very possible. I gotta, I gotta come to terms with this. But anxiety, listen, I get that 100 Every time I have a social interaction and like, oh, shit, why did I say that thing, but I also I also love being the center of attention. So it's like, come on brain. Why do you have to make me like this figured out Marta? One day. Yeah. So that's a really great and, you know, I also like to look for somebody who sort of can meet me where I'm going, because my ex was actually I don't think she like really, she had like a job but it was always like a phlebotomist or something and they She was in grad school and I was always just sort of waiting for her to show up. And she actually majored in sociology is a sociology with an emphasis in feminist studies. So it was actually really difficult to communicate with her because she was very recalcitrant in like all the things where I was like, Hey, I'm very, like, emotionally aware and sensitive, and just speaking my mind. And sort of like that. He says, exactly what's on his mind, what kind of game is that? And I was like, like, this is what you want, but okay. So it was really hard because I was like, oh, you know, I'm like, I, I grew up with, like, you know, all sisters and my mom, like, you know, I think that like in terms of like, you know, equitability, and inclusion, I'm, like, right there with everyone else. And I understand that I was born on third. And, you know, the biggest thing I can do right now, as a white cisgender, heterosexual male typically is shut the fuck up. But sometimes, it's also best to be a steward or an advocate as well. However, sometimes that's not the case. I really just want somebody who's like, going to be who they are, and love them for that and not wait for them to change. And I think that's something that I needed to learn. Because if you're in a relationship, like you shouldn't if you're in a relationship, you should just accept that person. Right. Like, like, like, we love our friends, even though they're super dumb sometimes, you know, and like, yeah, we'll give them constructive feedback. But so that's on me, Marta, like, that's, you know, super unfair to my ex to is like, you know, she was in grad school, like, she was going places, but I just, and then sometimes it just, yeah, it's just the things that need to align don't any, you gotta just let go. Yeah, meeting meeting me where I'm going. And understanding that, you know, like, I'm, I'm 32 I don't have any debt. I live by myself have a two bedroom house in Salt Lake. You know, damn, I'm clean. I'm nice. Take care of myself. Have great oral hygiene and go to the doctor regularly. Yeah, you are strides ahead of so many others. So how's it how is it? I mean, I guess it's hard right now for dating in general, because we're getting fucked over by Omicron right now. Yeah. But I believe it's, I believe it'll happen for you. I think there's, there's normal people on this app. Here. A normal person here. I totally. Yeah, catch. So I think it'll happen. Thanks bar to here as well. I'm trying to like say yes to things because I sort of had a stick up my ass for the last five years. Okay, last question. Are you in love with me? No, March, I'm sorry. Damn it. That's fine. Please. What the light that thick fingered man was. And don't make that weird. If you made that weird, that's your own brain that you have to answer for. Anyways, I'm going to end this podcast a little differently than I usually do. I'm going to read you a quote from a magazine in from the Victorian era, who asked spinsters why they were single? And here's an answer. Because you don't need another pet in the house. Here's her exact quote. Because I do not care to enlarge my menagerie of pets and I find the Animal Man less docile than a dog less affectionate than a cat. Unless assuming than a monkey. Girl, you're on something. Anyways, follow us on social media on Instagram at Pursuit of Happiness podcast on tick tock at the pursuit of happiness. And now I have a Twitter because none of you asked me to but I have one. It's at POA underscore pot. So hit me up there if you want me to ask questions or want to know about me personally because you love me now. I don't know to what you do you on social media. And always remember, you can like subscribe and listen to every week because you love me again. So much. Okay, I'm gonna stop this here. See you next week.